Strawberry Catnip
by Kimba-la
Summary: "'This is crazy.' A voice in the back of my mind says, but then another, much louder, voice says, 'Who cares? I like this.' My head is spinning and I wonder if he has the same electric feeling coursing through his veins..." GrimmIchi. AU.
1. Welcome to My Life

_Hello everyone! I'm glad that you've stumbled upon my first Bleach fanfiction. My name is Kimba. I share this account with one of my best friends, who has picked the name Artemis. We write stories together, but we also write our own stories._

_Anyway, this story will be mainly about Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez and Ichigo Kurosaki. However, it begins as IchigoxOrihime and GrimmjowxUlquiorra. Grimmjow and Ichigo don't know each other at first, but don't worry, they'll "meet" in the next chapter. This one is moreso introductory than anything else._

_As a warning, if you don't like yaoi (boy on boy), then don't read! I also don't own Bleach, though I do wish I owned Grimmjow and Ichigo. -innocent smile- _

_A special thank you goes out to my beta reader, __**Zevllyn**__, who did an awesome job helping me out with wording and corrections! You should go check out Zev's stories, too, because they're really good!_

_Well, enjoy! _

Strawberry Catnip

"Welcome to My Life"

_(Ichigo)_

I've bought the tickets; it's over. There's nothing else I can do about it. No CPR or anything. My dignity is dead, and I'm just going to have to accept that. I'd have to battle a grizzly bear to make up for all the manliness being sucked out of me; a little bit for every step that I take toward this movie theater. Or combat Chuck Norris. Actually, I'd have a free-for-all with both Chuck Norris _and_ a grizzly bear. Yeah, that sounds about right.

I clench my jaw as I gaze painfully at the poster of the movie I'm taking my girlfriend and her three best friends to see."The Midnight Saga: Total Eclipse" it reads and I look into the serious faces of a male vampire, a human girl and a…werewolf? I couldn't remember. I nearly whimper in shame and look around for anyone from our school that could see me, remembering to note a place where I can hide myself in case I actually _do_ see someone I know. With no cover in sight, I at least try to pull the collar of my teal shirt up, because I, Ichigo Kurosaki, am not going to be caught—dead or alive—here by anyone save for my girlfriend Orihime Inoue and our friends Tatsuki Arisawa, Rukia Kuchiki and Rangiku Matsumoto.

"What's wrong, Ichigo? You don't look so good." The worried voice of Orihime interrupts my self-pitying thoughts. She stares at me intently with her kind gray eyes, probably waiting for me to pass out from rapid loss of testosterone. Part of me wishes I would keel over, but I know I won't be allowed that sort of release from this nightmare.

"I, uh…" _'Forgot my dad wants me to do something, sorry!'_ is what I want to say, but one warning look from Tatsuki erases those words from my thoughts. "It's nothing, Hime. I just thought I saw a man dressed like a lady! Yeah, that's it. Wouldn't that be weird?" I laugh nervously. A man dressed like a lady? Is that the best I can come up with? God, I'm lame.

Orihime gives me a confused look as she twirls her long orange hair around her fingers making her look adorable in her coral v-neck, jean shorts and brown sandals. Tatsuki rolls her ochre eyes at me. She has short onyx colored hair that stuck up every which way. She looks menacing with a charcoal beater, dark jeans and scuffed black sneakers. She reminds me of a pixie which suits her personality well because she is usually very rough with everyone, except maybe Orihime.

"C'mon, Ichigo! All you do is sit in your room or go to school. Being out with real people instead of your computer should make you happy!" Rangiku remarks cheerfully as she twirls in her flower print white, almost-too-short dress and heels. She has flowing, wavy blond hair, icy blue eyes and some of the biggest breasts I've ever seen; bigger, even, than Orihime's. And _that's_ saying something. She then swiftly links arms with Orihime and walks toward the theater that our movie is in. Tatsuki follows suit, but Rukia stays behind and gazes at me knowingly.

"It's not that bad," She says sympathetically. "I mean, you can kind of get into the story, if you look at it from a fourteen year-old girl's standing, right?" She was trying, at least, which was 'un-Rukia' like. She would normally tell me to man up and get over it, but I think she can see how wounded my manhood is by being here. Why kick a guy when he's already down? But being the hardhead that I am, I don't intend to give into this movie that easily.

"I guess that would work, oh I don't know, if I were actually a fourteen year-old girl." I reply sarcastically, not helping Rukia to stay on her sympathetic streak. She lets out an annoyed sigh and glares at me with her deep violet eyes. I can tell that she's trying to look angry, but I can't take her seriously in that bright yellow dress with a daisy on the front that she's wearing.

"Something funny?" She asks agitatedly, cocking an eyebrow.

"Hah, I just can't take you seriously!" I reply, giving into my laughter. She looks like an angry flower!

"Why? What's wrong with the way I look?" She thinks that I'm talking about her hair or something because she's feeling her shoulder length raven colored hair worriedly.

"It's… the dress," I say, trying to stifle my snickering by putting my fist in my mouth.

"Well I happen to like this dress," She says haughtily. "It was a gift from Uryu for my birthday!"

Uryu isn't my friend, but he is hers. Supposedly, he's super famous at sewing but it's obvious he sucks at fashion design. I guess Rukia didn't want to discuss the matter of her appearance anymore, because she promptly turned on her heel and left me behind looking like an idiot chuckling by myself. I guess I deserved it, but I can't help but give Rukia a hard time. She's one of my best friends and is about as stubborn as me.

Now that I'm alone near the snack bar, the idea that I could just walk away from this movie right now enters my mind fleetingly. But my mind flickers back to Orihime. I guess I have to go to this movie. I don't want to upset anyone, especially my girlfriend, though I think she'd be the least upset if I didn't show up. Not because she doesn't want me to come, but because she's so naïve. She'd make up an excuse for anyone she liked, even if they were trying to kill her or something. I'd get a beating from Tatsuki and Rukia at least, I just know it.

Hanging my head, I stroll as casually as I can toward theater thirteen just as my ticket instructs. As I enter the slightly dimmed theater, I find that it's terribly crowded. I feel like I'm in a sardine can filled with the raging hormones of preteens. I sigh dejectedly and begin to look around. After a minute of searching for my friends, I finally see them in the middle of the theater, slightly off to the left. I inch by the prepubescent teens already sitting, careful not to touch them because I might catch what they call Byber Fever, whatever that is. Either way, I don't want it.

Orihime is waving frantically to me and pointing to the seat next to her and directly behind a couple who kept sucking each other's faces off. I snorted in disgust at my view; turning to my left to find Orihime, Tatsuki, Rukia and Rangiku chattering excitedly about the movie to each other, which leaves me feeling very much like the fifth wheel. This is how our dates normally go. It's never just the two of us, and I always feel awkward. You see, Orihime and I were great friends before we started dating.

About a year ago, though, she finally worked up the courage to tell me that she loved me. I was surprised that she did because I never really thought that I was her type. Sure, we make a cute orange-haired couple, but my heart just isn't into it. That day she confessed her love, she had looked at me with the most sincere and warm eyes as she told me of her feelings for me, and I couldn't help but to have been drawn in. I couldn't say no to her. I even thought I could love her like that too, but now I'm starting to realize that I can't. This is going to sound cliché, but it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. I just don't know how to break it to her. She seems so happy, even happier than she was before, and so, like many of the other "nice guys" before me, I put her happiness over mine just to see her smile. I'm such a closet romantic.

I breathe a sigh of relief as the overhead lights go out and the previews begin playing. The theater quiets down and I am comforted by the blanket of darkness that envelops us. I'm finally safe from anyone who might know m—

"Kurosaki? Is that you?" A rather loud whisper reaches me from across the theater.

_Shit. _I try to ignore the very familiar voice by sinking lower into the red fabric of my chair. I hear shuffling behind me and my heart begins trying to break free of its ribcage prison. _Please, don't make a scene…_

"KUROSAKI!" My rather excitable friend, Keigo Asano, all but screams at me as he dives into the seat next to mine. As usual, Keigo's best friend, and a friend of mine, Mizuiro Kojima, follows significantly quieter and takes the seat next to him. More than half the theater stops what they're doing to gaze at us. Some are annoyed, some are amused, and me? I'm just imagining the look on my acquaintance and worst enemy, Uryu Ishida's face when Keigo tells him that I went to see Total Eclipse.

It doesn't matter than I am taking Orihime and our girl friends, he's still going to hold a smug grin, push his rectangular glasses up over his blue eyes getting that evil look on his face, and make some comment about how his Saturday was more dignifying than mine. I'm not really sure how working as a seamstress' assistant is more dignifying, but hey, that's his logic, not mine.

"Shut up, Keigo, before I make you!" Tatsuki's annoyed whisper cut through Keigo's verbal assault upon me ("You're really here?"—"I knew you couldn't resist the fad!"—"So do you think Bella is hot?"—"Or are you more of an RPattz guy?"). I really wish Tatsuki would make Keigo go away. Of course Keigo isn't too bad when I see him in small doses at school, but hanging out with him outside of school was never on my 'To Do' list.

We are all seniors in high school now and Keigo still acts like he is on a never-ending sugar high. He has brown eyes and chin length brown hair that he keeps long because he wants to be more "hip". Mizuiro has short black hair that sticks out a little at the sides and brown eyes that are currently giving me apologetic looks as he chuckles at Keigo. Mizuiro is very deceiving in appearance. He's on the shorter side for boys, and acts all innocent around everyone which enables him to score tons of hot chicks. The guy's got skills.

I put my hands over my face and groan internally. My bad boy image, which I've worked so _hard _on since the beginning of high school to keep, is going to be torn down by one blasted movie. Seriously, all I do is act like I don't care about much of anything, keep a permanent scowl on my face and make a sarcastic remark here and there and violà; no one messes with me anymore. I used to get in fights all the time before high school with gangs from other schools because for some reason my orange hair bothered them so much. I befriended Yasutora Sado, or Chad as well call him, and Renji Abarai back then because they used to get into a lot of trouble too, based on their appearances, so it was natural that we band together to fend our attackers off.

Chad is big and muscular so gangs used to have fun seeing who could take him down and Renji has bright crimson hair, which is about as bad as having bright orange hair like mine. However, even if our roots run deep, it still won't stop them from laughing at my humiliation when Keigo's big mouth tells them about tonight. Maybe I can switch schools, start all over… ah, what the hell, I'll just deny the whole thing and call them all crazy. No one will have any physical proof that I was here at all.

Finally, the previews end, and who knew that I'd be happy for this poor excuse for a film to start? Even Keigo quiets down as the beginning credits begin flashing on the screen. I guess I'm lucky; at least we're not watching The Last Oxygenbender. I heard that was _horrible_. Yet, I still cross my hands over my chest like a pouty school girl, close my eyes, and try to block this experience from my mind. My only wish is to somehow fall asleep during the movie, but the universe won't even allow me that satisfaction, because the couple in front of us can't control their hormones for more than a minute and recommence grossing me out with the noises that come from sloppy wannabe-French kissing.

.x.x.x.

_(Grimmjow)_

Imagine for me this scene: I'm resting on the arm of a black couch; a screwdriver in my hand and I'm livin' it up. There are girls sitting around me, talking to me, and the other men at this frat party are clearly jealous. It almost sounds like a perfect scenario for me, until you know the reality of it all. Ya see, I'm not interested in girls. They just talk to me because I listen to them and they don't think that I judge them. Really though, they're all too drunk and if I have to hear another one of these girls tell me about how the same guy fucked them all over, I'm gonna lose it.

I down the rest of my drink in one gulp and stand up. I'm immediately overwhelmed by a chorus of questions about where I'm doing and if I'm coming back. Seriously, I just have to use the toilet. Oh, and of course get away from all their whining.

I step over them all, a bit wobbly, but I keep my balance. I'm not that drunk because I've developed this thing recently where I feel as if I need to be ready for anything, and if I'm too messed up, then where would I be? As soon as I leave, the girls are swarmed by guys, like I couldn't see that coming. They won't miss me if I don't come back.

I make my way up the stairs of the frat house and down the right hall. There are many rooms along the way, some doors are open and some are closed. I glance inside the open ones, just checking for any familiar faces. Some guys are playing drunken video games, beer pong, you know, classic party stuff. I don't see anybody worth my time, so I merely step into the bathroom at the end of the hall, and shut the door. Surprisingly, most of the sounds of the party are cut off once I'm alone. This is exactly what I needed.

Honestly, I don't even have to use the toilet. Between the glares that I was receiving, the bitches' bitching, and the other miscellaneous party chaos like two wrestlers breaking a table, my head is fit to burst. I slowly sink down onto the slightly dirtied white linoleum floor, lean against the wall, and breathe out slowly. My bright blue eyes gaze at the light above before I close them and enter darkness.

As I sit there, I remember just how upset I am to be here. I truthfully don't like these parties very much. The drugged up, drunken, drama filled ones. That's what this party is. I can't leave, though, because I came here with someone. That someone is my boyfriend of nearly six months, Ulquiorra Cifer.

I've known Ulquiorra for most of my life. We were just five when we started school together. I thought he was an arrogant little asshole at first because of the way he talked to and looked down upon everyone, even the teachers. His adoptive father was rich because he was some military contractor and that had made Ulquiorra's head pretty big. He never really said anything to me, which actually pissed me off more than if he had talked down to me. It was like he didn't even acknowledge my presence.

Then one day, when we were in middle school, he said a few things that made me really angry. See, I was king of the playground. If people wanted to use the swings, they had to run it by me first. If they wanted to use the balls, I'd have to approve it. If kids wanted to do anything save for go use the toilet, it had to be cleared through me and my group of friends: Shawlong, Edrad, Yylfordt, Di Roy and Nakeem. If anyone didn't follow these simple instructions, they could expect a roughing up from one of us. Yeah, I guess you could call us the school bullies, but we always managed to never be caught by the teachers or administrators.

So anyway, Ulquiorra decides he wants to sit where my throne resided, which was simply a spot in the shade of the only tree on the playground. It was a particularly hot spring day, so I can understand why he'd want to be in the shade, but that's where I sat, and no one was gonna sit there, especially someone who had no respect for me.

He glared at me as I told him to go find somewhere else to sit, which I will admit, surprised me a little because that boy rarely showed any emotion. He retaliated by calling me a blue haired freak and told me that I was just trash beneath his feet.

So fucking what if my hair is blue? I like my hair. It's not too short, but not too long and makes a sort of faux hawk that ends with a few locks of hair hanging down my neck. It wasn't like he could talk about appearances, though. He was so fucking emo back then he used to draw green tear lines down his face falling from his equally as green eyes. He even had, and still has, the shaggy straight black hair that parts off to one side. I don't know how his dad let him get away with that look. Maybe he just gave Ulq anything he wanted and didn't care all that much.

Either way, nobody calls me trash. I gave him a right hook straight to the jaw which sent him tumbling back onto the ground. I watched him grit his teeth and hold his mouth, but I never saw him cry.

That act of bullying couldn't be ignored by the playground administrators, so we were both sent to the principal's office. As she talked to us about how violence isn't the answer to arguments and how I could share the playground with everyone, we each kept stealing glances at one another. Sometimes we'd catch each other's eye and hold it; sometimes we'd look away quickly. One thing that I knew then, though, was that his view of me had changed. I don't know if he viewed me as his equal or not, but he at least knew that I wasn't going to let him walk all over me, just like he wasn't going to let me walk all over him.

From that day on, we had sort of a mutual understanding that neither of us was going to win the fight, so we just respected each other. He was the only person besides my friends that could share the things that I had claimed mine. We didn't always talk, but sometimes we did talk: about TV shows or the weather or girls even. He still never really showed much emotion.

A couple years went by and we began high school. All my friends from middle school lived in a different district than mine so they went off to a different school. It was hard for me to have my throne and my friends ripped away from me, so, and I hate to admit this, but I was very vulnerable at the beginning of high school. Ulquiorra was in the same boat as me, though. Not that he really had any friends besides me, but he was alone, like me, so we stuck together. Eventually we made a few other friends like Yammy, for instance, and sometimes I'd see my old friends around, but things had really changed.

I got to know Ulq really well over the next few years. I found out that his favorite color was, of course, green and that he actually thought my hair was "unique", which I took as a compliment. It was junior year when I even went to his house, though I never saw his dad, and his room was a huge surprise to me. It was covered in pictures of nature and animals. Ulquiorra liked to study and analyze things through pictures. He really wanted to be a photographer. I found myself sorta attracted to Ulq then. I think he felt the same way about me because he began flashing me small smiles every once in a while when I said something funny or when he was just generally happy that I was around.

I've never had a problem with homosexuals. I don't think they're weird or diseased and I don't think that they deserve the discrimination they get because in my mind, we're all people, but I never pegged myself as one. I don't think I took my realization too badly, but I did shut myself up in my room for about six months. All I did was think. I thought about the girls in my class like Harribel, but I never focused on what a straight guy would focus on, like her huge tits. I thought about how her blond eyelashes really brought out her green eyes, that she had nice tanned skin and that she might be cool as a friend because she seemed nice. Yeah, I just wanted to be friends with the hottest girl in school.

I was in a sort of denial. I thought something was wrong with me. I didn't know if my behavior was caused because I never really had a father figure in my life, so fuck that bastard for leaving me. My mother was worried, but I just kept telling her to go away. I went to school mechanically and came home immediately to lock myself away in my room. I snuck down only at night, after my mother went to sleep, to eat. I think she thought I was depressed or suicidal because she always told me that she loved me every day and sometimes when I snuck downstairs for food, I'd hear her crying in her room.

The only one who could get me to do anything besides lay in my bed was Ulquiorra. I think he came to the same realization about himself, too, because he would just sit with me in my room as silent as I was. Some days I would tell him to leave, but he never did. He had a funny way of knowing exactly what I wanted, and what I wanted was for him to stay. He would say, _"I'm sorry, but I cannot comply with your request," _and sit on the foot of my bed and smirk at me. How cute. Sometimes he would talk to me about some new pictures he took as he slowly brought me out of my shell.

I finally told him after about six months of fighting with myself. I told him that I thought I was gay and that I thought I liked him as more than a friend. He studied me with his huge emerald eyes and long, dark lashes. It seemed like an eternity to me before he did anything. Finally, he said, _"That's convenient because I feel the same way about you."_ Then he really smiled. It was a smile that went beyond his mouth and to his eyes and even his whole body. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I held them back. I was accepted by someone. I had accepted myself. All was right in my world.

After that, we were an item. We came to and left school together. We went to movies together. We did everything together. We were never flamboyant gays, but it wasn't like people couldn't tell. I mean, we were always with each other, like I said. Not that we weren't before, but there was ruffling of hair and things like that that gave us away. Girls thought we were adorable and boys who tried to mess with us always ended up on the ground by yours truly. I wasn't about to let anyone think I'd gone soft, because I had a reputation to keep up. I was a nice guy to those who respected me, but if they didn't, I wouldn't hesitate to put them in their place.

I told my mother about Ulq and me about a month later and while she was silent for a few days about it, she finally told me that I was still her son and that she still loved me. I couldn't have been happier. I don't know if Ulquiorra ever told his father about us, but even if he did, I don't think he'd care. He was never around, not even when we graduated. I felt bad for Ulq, but he said, with the straightest face I'd ever seen from him, that it was "quite alright". Yeah, as if.

Then it happened: the event that would send our relationship spiraling out of control. I found out when Ulquiorra came to my house late one summer night after we graduated, actually crying. I was stunned into silence for a moment before I came to my senses. I let him inside and sat him down at the kitchen table. I turned the lights on and sat next to him with my hands rubbing his shoulders. I asked him what was wrong. I asked him what seemed like a hundred times before he finally managed to croak out that his father had took his own life.

Now, I don't want to sound insensitive, but was this really something to be so distraught over? I don't know very much about Ulq's dad, but I do know that he never paid attention to his son and he never was around. The suicide part of the story was depressing, I'll admit. I could understand Ulq being sad, but this?

Then Ulquiorra began fighting back his tears and telling me how he felt that his relationship with his father hadn't been very satisfying. He had seen him a few times a month before going away for work and even then, they hardly talked. He said he wished he'd had a real relationship with this dad and that it killed him inside to know that he would never have his wish. Then he started going on about how he never knew his real parents and how he probably never would and that also made him extremely sad. He said that relationships were futile and only brought pain, which should have warned me of what was to come, but I didn't think much of that comment at the time.

I sat there, just listening because I truthfully didn't know what I could say that would comfort Ulquiorra. All I did was kiss the top of his head, hold him, and tell him how sorry I was. I don't think it was enough. I'll never know though. Nowadays, Ulquiorra won't let anyone in. We haven't broken up, but our relationship is definitely different. He never smiles for me anymore. I don't see even the slightest spark of life in his eyes. Before all this happened, we'd planned to go to college together and be roommates, and so we have, but it's like living with a zombie. A zombie who only focuses on his photography and the new partying lifestyle he's found also drowns out his sorrow quite well.

I'm heartbroken. I've become angrier, more aggressive, more reckless, but I always stay in a condition where I can take care of Ulq if he ever needs it; if he ever needs me again. That's why I only had a few drinks tonight, because I know Ulquiorra is off somewhere in this house doing something stupid probably, and who is going to have to take care of him? You got it, me, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez.

A knock at the bathroom door wakes me from my thoughts. I quickly open my eyes and sit up. I'd been nearly dozing against the bathroom wall for what was - let me check my phone - about twenty minutes. I groan and stand up, gripping the sink to my right. Those screwdrivers must have been heavy on the vodka because I feel somehow drunker than originally felt. Or maybe I'm just sad.

"Gimme a sec," I snap at the person beyond the door, as I shake my head to clear it. I look in the mirror at myself. I look so tired. My hair is a bit disheveled, my black t-shirt is wrinkled and my jeans are sporting a few holes by the knees from general abuse. I don't really care about my appearance that much anymore.

I don't want to get caught up in my reflection, so I quickly turn away and open the door. Standing behind it was a short boyish lookin' man with an insanely ugly, black, asymmetrical, bowl cut. He's wearing an unattractive magenta t-shirt with jeans and black shoes. I stare at him, hoping he'll move, but he just stares right on back with his mysterious and strange purple eyes. I'm not in the mood for strangers messing around with me. I sort of lift my upper lip in a half snarl, hoping he'll get the hint.

"Oh yes, you're the one Ulquiorra wanted," The boy man said with a sneer. If the kid hadn't just mentioned Ulq, I probably would have pummeled him.

"Who the hell are you?" I ask, not trying to be polite.

"I'm Luppi. Ulquiorra said to fetch his 'blue-haired boyfriend', so here I am. Fetching his pet cat," Luppi finished.

Okay, scratch that, I'll find Ulquiorra _after_ I beat this guy into the ground. I move to grab the fucker, but he dances out of my reach at the last second. I watched as he pranced down the hallway and open a once closed door at the other end. Luppi looked back at me and taunts me with another sneering smile. Growling, I follow him. I have to find Ulquiorra.

As I approach the open door, I hear what sounds like Luppi's laughter and some other people's. Why do I get the feeling that he just made some joke about me? I look inside to find a room with a couple men I've never seen before. Luppi moves out of the doorway. I know it's because he's scared of me catching him, but I don't have too long to think about that because I catch sight of Ulquiorra. He's sitting on a bed at the far end of the room, with a sort of half-dazed look on his face.

Immediately sirens go off in my head. Ulquiorra usually looks more alert than this: even if he _is_ depressed. I start toward him and pass a man who is watching me closely. He's smiling an entirely too big smile, exposing nearly all of his top teeth. His eyes are sort of squinted and his straight black hair reaches his shoulders. He's very tall and lanky and I could probably break him in half if he tried to start anything. I give him a look that says, 'don't fuck with me', and focus on Ulquiorra again. I kneel down in front of him once I'm there and look into his eyes. His pupils are smaller than average and the whites of his eyes are slightly red. He might be looking at me or he could be looking through me, I can't tell. He seems to be breathing normally, though, so for now I am comforted.

"Are you okay?" I ask him, lowering my voice and softening it. I receive no answer except Ulquiorra putting his hand on my head and then letting it slide down and back next to him. He sighs, but says nothing. I guess I'm not getting anything out of him for now. Slowly, I turn around to the group of strangers.

"What did he do?" I ask because I know Ulquiorra isn't sober and he isn't just drunk. The man with the too-big smile snickers at my question. I glare knives at him.

"We think he railed too much," Answers a blond man next to the creepy smiling guy. He seemed sort of timid and kept glancing at creepy smiling guy sitting next to him, but at least someone wasn't fucking smiling at me like Luppi or the other guy. At least someone was giving me some answers.

"Snorted too much of what?" I demand. Ulquiorra has snorted things before, but nothing that makes him act like this. Mostly it's Klonopins which make him insanely content with everything, but all he does is sit there, looking out the dorm window, with a smile plastered on his face. Then when he comes down, he goes right back to being a zombie. I know this isn't cocaine because I've seen that high and this isn't it. So what, then?

"Oxy-" The blond begins answering me but is cut off by creeper next to him.

"Tesla, I don't think I asked ya to tell the man what it was, did I?" He said, still staring at me.

"N-no, Nnoitora, you didn't. I'm sorry," Tesla quickly apologizes and quiets. Does this Nnoitora guy really have that much of a hold on him? Pathetic, but all I needed to hear was what he started to say. This is oxycodone. No wonder Ulquiorra is so unresponsive. He's probably just sitting inside himself, not caring about what's going on around him. At least I know he'll be okay. As far as I know, he's never done oxys so that's probably why they hit him so hard.

Now that I know what's wrong with Ulquiorra, I can focus on getting him out of this party, and away from these creepy fuckers. Does he have no sense of self preservation? Since when is it a good idea to rail this stuff, and with complete strangers? At least they're strangers to me. I know so little about Ulquiorra these days…

I position him so that his thin left arm is around my shoulders and lift him up quite easily. He's lost so much weight since his father died. I look around the boring beige frat room a final time, almost expecting Nnoitora or Luppi to try to prevent me from going, but they don't. That doesn't mean they aren't still staring at me like I'm some sort of freak show. I want to ask them what the fuck their problem is, but I bite my tongue. Now isn't the time to fight…

I help Ulquiorra walk and we finally exit the room and turn left to go down the stairs. It's a slow process because I'm sort of walking for the two of us, but I somehow have incredible patience.

I feel the stares of a few other party-goers as we leave the frat house, but fuck 'em. I'm getting Ulquiorra outta here and then we're never coming back. I've had enough of these kinds of nights where Ulquiorra abandons me, gets fucked up, and then expects me to take care of him. I can't live like this anymore. I'm throwing away my mother's hard earned money to go to this school by just going to parties and letting my grades slip. Something has got to change, and in the morning we'll see if it's Ulquiorra or me who will lose this fight.


	2. White Rabbit

_Hey guys, welcome to the second installment of Strawberry Catnip! As you will see, the story is moving right along and I hope it continues to please._

_Thank you again, Zev, for beta reading this. Your corrections and revisions are wonderful and I'm lucky to have them! C: _

_Enjoy!_

_-Kimba_

Strawberry Catnip

"White Rabbit"

_(Grimmjow)_

Last night was a bloody nightmare. Taking Ulquiorra past the security guard (this bitch who kept shooting me dirty looks like I was about to take advantage of him or something) of our dorm building as normally as possible was fucking hell and afterwards I had to all but hold him up in the elevator to the third floor. Do you know how god damn hard it is to support someone else's body weight when you're already tipsy? I guess I'm just lucky that there aren't people in the hallways at two in the morning because I finally just picked Ulquiorra up and carried him like a five year old with his legs wrapped around me and head slumped on my shoulder. I think I heard him mutter something, but I didn't catch what it was.

Once in the sanctity of our room, I sat Ulquiorra unceremoniously on his bed where he promptly fell over with a soft thud and passed out. It would've been funny if I wasn't already extremely annoyed and worried by the situation. I made sure he was at least breathing all right as I took his black converses off and pulled his green comforter over him. I didn't bother to change him out of his jeans and white t-shirt. He wasn't a child and I wasn't going to baby him anymore. I think that because Ulquiorra acted so helpless when his father died, I got it in my head that I had to take care of him, but something inside me changed. I wasn't having anymore of this shit.

I looked around the room trying to find something to occupy myself with because I wasn't tired at all. The left side of the dorm is where Ulquiorra's space is and has books and papers stacked neatly on his mini-shelf and desk organizer. My side has wrappers and notes strewn across it and empty soda cans cluttered in the back corners behind my laptop. The generic carpet was a deep navy blue and the light of the moon lit it up softly so that I felt like I was looking into a dark ocean. I guess that's how I felt; lost at sea.

Not really finding anything to do, I kicked off my shoes then sat on my bed and stared out the window for six hours, just thinking. I didn't even bother to change into my favorite pajama pants or pull my soft brown blanket around me. You might say that I think a lot, but it's really only when the need arises. I'm normally an 'act now, ask questions later' kinda guy, so you can tell how out of my element I am.

I watched as the stars faded into nothing and the clouds turned purple, pink and gold as the sun rose. The birds began singing their all too cheerful songs and still I sat, wide awake. I don't even know half of what I was thinking about. Sometimes I'd be thinking of what to say to Ulquiorra when he woke but mostly my mind would think of random things like my mother, or even cartoons that I used to watch when I was little and was actually conscious at this time. Have you ever had those nights where your mind races a mile a minute preventing you from sleep and you can't keep up with half of the conversation you're having with yourself because you're so exhausted? Yeah, I hate that shit.

I steal a glance at my alarm clock on the desk at the foot of my bed. Eight thirty-seven it says and finally, I see Ulquiorra stir out of the corner of my eye. I turn my attention toward him. For a minute, he's doing nothing but scratching his neck, but then he opens one emerald eye and studies me groggily.

"Mornin'," I say, but my voice isn't all that friendly. I'm still in a sour mood.

" Time…?" He demands as he closes his eye and rolls over so that his back is facing toward me. Punk…

"Eight thirty-eight. Listen, do you think we could talk?" I reply quickly before he can fall back asleep.

"Mmm… later, Grimmjow… my head hurts," He manages to get out before I hear him sigh and lose consciousness again. I sigh in defeat turning my head back to look out the window. I guess I'll just have to wait until he's ready. Fuckin' peachy.

So here I am again waiting for Ulquiorra to decide when _he's_ ready to talk. '_Oh Grimmjow, be nice. He doesn't feel well!_' You're probably saying. Well, don't misunderstand; I know what a migraine feels like, but he brought it upon himself and I'm still a bit miffed. Damn right I'm upset.

Once more I begin thinking of things I could do to pass some time. I could make some breakfast, but I'm not all that hungry. I could go out for some fresh air, but that would require things like effort and movement and I just don't have those in me right now. Besides, the sun coming through the window is warming my arms and face. Like a cat, I stretch my back and then lay down in the sunspot on my bed. Ah, sweet relaxation…

_Beep._

As if some part of the universe is still out to get me – even after last night - my computer signals that I have a new message in my inbox. Damn it, just as I got comfy, too. I know that it'll keep making noise until I exit the message box, but I'm too busy throwing a fit internally to get up at the moment. Who the fuck wants to message me at – My eyes glanced at the time – eight forty-five in the morning?

_Beep!_

Motherfucker! I throw myself off my mattress in a rage which is a mistake because I nearly fall right on back as a wave of vertigo sweeps over me. I quickly recover, though, and walk the approximately two steps it takes to get to my chair and plop myself down in it. I shake my wireless mouse to wake the screen and click on the envelope icon on the desktop to open my email. '' the email address of the sender says. Kurosaki? Is that somebody's name? Oh well, might as well open it to at least see what it's about, right?

What I find not only amuses me, but also intrigues me. Who knew that registering myself on a gay sex shop site to win a special kind of warming lubricant would bring me this kind of email? '_Ew, Grimmjow, gross!_' You might say, but hey, I have my needs. Don't we all? Not that I've had a chance to use it yet… god damn it Ulquio—er, never mind. I go back to the email before I let my mind wander to the sex that I hadn't had it months. I'm getting hot and bothered just by thinking about it. So I'm a little – okay, a lot – horny. You would be too if you were in my shoes. Ulquiorra has some damn cute lips and a nice ass and I don't even get to touch them anymore…

Um, yeah, about that email…

Clearing my head of my fantasies, I begin replying to this Ichigo Kurosaki kid. This would at least keep me entertained for a while…

.x.x.x.

_(Ichigo)_

"GOOOOOOOD MOOOOORRRNNNIIIIING, IIIIIICHIGOOOOOOO!"

As expected, my father, Isshin Kurosaki, burst through my bedroom door at the early hour of seven o'clock. Every Sunday he wakes me up early and insists on having family breakfast to recount the major events in my sisters' and my lives of the past week. Also as usual, I'm one step ahead of him, hiding in my closet with the door slightly cracked as I watch my father violently assault a body pillow and an orange stuffed lion that I used as my head. I steady my breathing and tighten my grip on the shinai that I used to use when I took martial arts, preparing to pounce. Sliding the closet door open, I jump out and crack my father over the head with the shinai.

"You'd think you would've understood by now that I know your tricks, ya old weirdo!" I yell as my father falls face first onto the wooden floor, clutching his skull.

"My son… you have learned well…" He says as he lies there, twitching. I smirk as he continues, "… but did you expect _THIS_?"

I don't have time to react as he quickly flips over and grabs my ankles, throwing me off balance and sending me tumbling back into my closet where I hit my head on the shelf. Stars appear in my vision, but I shake my head to remove them. Dropping the shinai, I sit up and move out of the closet once more and face my father who is moving to kick me in the face! I quickly grab his leg and toss it aside which in turn makes him lose his balance and he falls flat on his ass with a loud bang. I tackle him with all the force I can muster and we begin taking shots at each other and wrestling around trying to find a weak spot in our individual defenses.

I don't know what my old man is on about either, but he does this all the time, and by this, I mean he attacks me to "keep me on my toes" he says. I just think he's completely nuts - or stupid. Actually, I think it's both.

"Hey, what's going on? Aw, dad, you idiot! Leave Ichigo alone already! Even you can see he's awake now!" The voice of my younger sister by four years, Karin, yells as she enters my room. My other sister, and Karin's fraternal twin, Yuzu, follows closely behind. She has a worried look on her face but Karin appears thoroughly agitated by our father's antics. When we don't stop fighting, Karin takes it into her own power to end our craziness by kicking my father square in the jaw. This sends him rolling away while he nurses an already swelling lower lip.

"Karin! Why don't you love me! Why must you beat on your loving father? Oh Masaki, help me! What has puberty done to our children?" Our dad cries as he stretches an arm in Karin's direction. My father is a very, _very_, dramatic man. Karin and I ignore our father's wailing, but Yuzu rushes over to see if he's okay. I stand up and begin brushing my white t-shirt and blue pajama pants off.

"Thanks Karin," I say and ruffle her straight raven hair that falls a little past her shoulders. She smiles at me, her dark brown eyes glinting. She's wearing a plain white shirt and a pair of red gym shorts as her sleeping attire. Karin has always been very tomboyish since our mother's death. Our mother's name is Masaki; that's the person our dad was crying to a second ago. Karin doesn't like to burden Yuzu or our father with her problems so she acts tough so they won't worry about her. Over the last few years, though, she has opened up to me about a few of her issues, so I know that at least she isn't bottling up her emotions unhealthily.

Yuzu, on the other hand, took over our mother's responsibilities when she died like cooking and cleaning. She doesn't mind, though, and she's a wonderful cook and likes to sew (the stuffed lion, that she named Kon, was a gift from her that she made). Since Karin acts tough, Yuzu shows enough emotion for the both of them. I glance over at her to see her concerned hazel eyes looking our father over. She has sandy brown hair that is cut into a sort of asymmetrical bob that looks really cute on her. As usual, she sports a red barrette on the left side. She's wearing a light pink kitten print nightgown that really puts the final touch on her girly look.

"Don't mention it. What do ya say we leave this insufferable old man here and go eat breakfast? It's pancakes with strawberry syrup - my favorite!" Karin says to me before calling to Yuzu, "C'mon Yuzu, just ignore him! He's only acting that way for attention, so don't give it to him. Let's go eat."

I watch as Yuzu looks between Karin's retreating back and my father's bruised lip and decides to follow the latter out of my bedroom. I look at my father once more to see him eyeing me with huge, watery brown eyes; as if those are going to make me sympathize with him and want to stay! I snort at him and leave the room, slamming the door shut behind me. A pathetic whimper escapes past the wood but I ignore it. I'm busy paying attention to my watering taste buds as I hurry downstairs for delicious pancakes.

For about forty minutes later we're all sitting at the kitchen table, happily eating our breakfast like any other normal family. Our dad is done asking Yuzu about her week, which was relatively uneventful, and is interrogating Karin without making any progress. I watch as she munches on her food, completely ignoring him, and he pulls at his spiky black hair in sorrow. He does this for a painful twenty minutes or so until he finally gives up on her. Now comes the moment that I've been hurriedly trying to scarf down my pancakes to avoid.

"So, Ichigo how was your week? Oh and how was your date last night, huh? Ah, to be young…" My father asks me then drifts off into some memory of his that I'm not really interested in.

"It was fine," I answer simply, trying not to get into this conversation.

"What was fine, your week or your date?" My father presses on. He's studying me as he sips his coffee. I guess there's no getting away from him.

"Both. I didn't do anything interesting at school and the date wasn't so much of a date as it was a group outing. We met up with Keigo and Mizuiro at the theater, too," I reply hoping that it's enough to satisfy him. "The movie was only good for laughing at," I finish. This seems to miraculously tide my father over because he nods his head in dismissal and returns to his toast. Not waiting for another question, I swiftly clear my plate, down the rest of my orange juice, and head back to my room.

To sum up last night, while the movie was that bad, the evening turned out pretty okay. Keigo and Mizuiro left at the end because Mizuiro had driven Keigo and said he needed to take him home quickly so he could meet up with a few girls. This earned a devastated wail from Keigo which I'll admit: it was pretty amusing.

I rode the bus with Tatsuki, Rukia, Rangiku and Orihime and saw them all off at their stops. Rangiku's was first and she kissed us all on the cheek goodbye, nearly suffocating me with her chest…_again._That seemed to happen every time we said farewell.

Rukia's stop followed a few minutes later at which her _extremely_ intimidating older brother, Byakuya, was waiting. He gave me a cold look with his frosty gray eyes before the bus doors shut and we were on our way again. I'd only ever met the bastard once when I picked Rukia up to go to the beach one day and while I didn't do anything wrong—I think because I'm friends with Renji?—that made me the enemy. To clarify, Renji is Rukia's boyfriend and Byakuya is _very_ protective of his younger sister. So yeah, the guy mildly scares me, but I can only imagine how Renji must feel.

It was just me, Tatsuki and Orihime then and I listened as Hime told Tatsuki about a new crazy recipe she'd just made up consisting of bean paste, corn and whipped cream. The girl definitely has some odd taste and I could tell Tatsuki is thinking the same thing by the slightly disgusted look on her face. None of that fazed Hime though. She's always so carefree which makes me feel different because I'm nearly always thinking.

Tatsuki was the next one to hop off the bus. She thanked me for the movie and then hugged Hime as she left. This only left Hime and me on the bus, sitting quietly. I didn't really know what to talk about, so I just went with something random that I'd heard earlier in the day.

"So, uh, I heard that Don Kanonji is coming back to town in a few weeks!" I didn't really care for the show because I thought the guy was a total fake. He was supposed to be able to see spiritual beings which really seems like one big joke to me.

"Really?" Orihime's face lit up. She loves the show. "Where did you hear that?"

"Uh, well, this guy came into my dad's clinic today. He was in a ton of pain because he apparently broke an arm and a leg because he fell down the stairs once he heard the news on the phone from his wife. It excited him so much that he missed a step as he was going down and, well, yeah. That's how that happened," I finished rather lamely. My dad owns a medical clinic connected to the back of our house, so I see and hear a lot of things from the people who come through.

"Th-that's a little morbid," She replied and laughed a little nervously. Yeah, I guess that was a little weird for me to repeat, but damn it, I tried to make conversation!

An awkward silence fell between us which made me glad that Orihime's stop is really close to Tatsuki's. The bus came to a halt and we both shuffled out. I knew that it wasn't my stop, but I wanted to at least take Hime to her door. After a short walk, we ascended the outside steps of the duplex where she lives above her landlord. In front of the door, since I didn't have anything better planned, I said good night and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek. She blushed profusely and said good night then went inside and left me in the cool September evening. I walked the rest of the way home, but it was okay. I enjoyed having some time to myself.

Why does our relationship always seem so forced? That's the last question that enters my mind as I realize I've been standing in the middle of my room lost in thought. I shake my head, not wanting to get caught up in _those_ questions right now. I'm grateful for the distraction that my vibrating cell phone brings as it buzzes on my desk. I walk over, pick it up, and read that it's a text message from Renji.

'_Hey dude, I dunno if you're up, but since you asked me to keep reminding you, and I asked Rukia to remind me, don't forget about our debate we have in current events! It's due next Monday, so I hope you already have some good stuff because if you don't, I'm definitely gonna kick your ass!_

_Later, fag._

_From: Dickhead, 8:04 AM_'

Oh shit, that's right. I have a debate I need to be gathering information for; and this isn't any ordinary debate. It's like the debate of all debates that worth like 60 percent of our final grade. Now I always turn in my work, but I have been known to procrastinate at times, so that's why I asked Renji to keep reminding me when this assignment was due. Why Renji? Well, he's my debate partner. Our topic is gay marriage and he has to debate on why people are against it, and I get to talk about why it should be allowed. I'm not really prejudiced against the gays and, in my opinion as long as they don't bother me, they can to do whatever they want.

Debating isn't very hard for me because I can defend my opinion like no other, and gathering information to argue with is gonna be a breeze. The only thing that I need and that I'm going to find rather hard to find are interviews that I need gay people for. I have to get their opinion on the situation and that's the problem… I don't know any gay people, except for maybe Yumichika and Ikkaku. Oh and Chizuru; she's definitely a lesbian. Yumi would probably give me an interview and so would Chizuru, but I could expect to see pigs fly before Ikkaku ever would. He's Yumi's boyfriend, so I don't know why he is so persistent on acting as straight as he can, but whatever. So that's two people down, now I just need – ah, let me check the assignment paper.

I begin rustling through my school bag which is sitting at the end of my bed. I finally find the canary yellow sheet of paper that Mr. Kyouraku handed out and my eyes skim through the print until I find what I'm looking for. Okay, so two interviews down and one more to go. Where was I gonna find another gay person to talk to? Racking my brain for ideas, I decide to check the largest, but not always reliable, source of information out there: the internet.

I go into my bag again but this time pull out a simple black laptop that my dad bought me as a present for my 18th birthday in July. I walk over and set in on my desk and press the power button. I pass the couple minutes as it starts up by hooking up a mouse to it and gazing out my window at a little robin sitting on my window sill. It chirps merrily before flying away and I return my attention to the computer. I open my web browser, Flamefox, and go to the search engine Qooqle, but what should I search for? '_Local gays to interview?'_ No, that's stupid. '_Need lesbians to answer questions_?' Even more stupid. I sit for a little while just thinking of where I could go or who I could talk to for just one more stupid interview. I begin typing in random words and phrases that pop into my head like, '_Heartfelt stories about gay marriage_' or '_Warming experience f-_'and with the last phrase I accidentally press the 'Enter' key. Crap, that's not what I-

Oh.

My.

_God_.

I'm mortified at some – actually, _all_ - of the pictures and links that come up; so mortified that I make a squeaking noise as I fumble with my mouse to click the 'Back' button on the browser. This only worsens my condition because it ends with me unintentionally clicking on a random series of pictures and links because my hand is violently shaking, until I finally just drop the mouse and shut my eyes from the scenes that come from gay sex shops.

Trying to calm my breathing, I tell myself that none of what I saw just happened and that I'm going to open my eyes to a nice, blank search engine.

Slowly, I peak through my squinted eyelids, not to find a clean view of Qooqle, which is disappointing, but it's also a relief because this page has a simple black background with the names and links to their profiles of some members of this site who entered a contest to win some free warming lube. Okay. I can deal with this. Just keep your hand steady, Ichigo. As long as you don't click on anymore links, you'll be fine… Wait! A light bulb flickers on in my head and an idea suddenly enters my scarred-for-life brain.

I could totally pick a member off this site to talk to, right? I mean, I don't have to interview someone that I already know, I guess.

It could be that I'm absolutely crazy like my father, or maybe when I fell into my closet earlier, I _really _hit my head hard, because for some reason this idea is very plausible.

Before I even know what I'm doing, I'm scanning through the long list of usernames (some normal; others rather disturbing) until one of them catches my eye. '_Pantera06_' it says. Isn't that Spanish for Panther or something? I like panthers, so sure, let's give this one a try. I click on the link that says, 'See Profile' and hope to God that this person doesn't have any pictures that will make me cry out again.

What I find is a simple profile that merely has the name and the email address of the person connected to it. I let out the breath that I was holding in preparation for repressing a screech and read his name.

"Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez," I say aloud. It has a certain ring to it that I find I like for some reason, but I can't put my finger on exactly why. Maybe it's because his name sounds sort of rough, and yet flows off the tongue so fluidly? Bah, why am I thinking about the way his name sounds? I definitely hit my head too hard. I decide that this man will be the first person, and _hopefully_ the last that I have to contact to answer a few simple questions as I click on the link for his email address ('') which opens a new window that is ready for my message to be typed in.

I stare at the empty message box for a minute or two, at a complete loss for what to say to a random stranger whose contact information I found on a gay sex shop's website. How would anyone start that conversation? I scratch my head and furrow my eyebrows, but still, no brilliant hooks or explanations come to mind. Sighing, I decide to just wing it in true Ichigo fashion.

'_Uh, hello,_' I start. That was normal, right? Shrugging, I continue on with my email.

'_Hey there, my name's Ichigo Kurosaki. Well, I know this comes off as pretty much random, but I promise there's a point to it all. You see, ah well, I've got this report for a debate class of mine about gay marriage…so I have to talk about why it should be allowed. But to do it, I've got to have another interview with a gay person—this is me assuming you're gay because of the gay site I found you on—and, um I was kinda wondering if you could answer a few questions for me?_

_I totally understand if you don't want to as you probably think I'm already some kind of nut case. But, uh, if you would, could you please email me back at this address? It's no big deal if you don't want to. But yeah, I hope to hear from you?_

_-Ichigo)_'

I quickly hit the send button before I can stop myself. Hold on a second, did I just end that last sentence with a question mark? The guy's gonna think I'm a weirdo douche bag probably, especially after all that nervous typing. I'm _so _lame. I hit my forehead with an audible smack and vow to never again check my email. I will just find someone else to interview… anything to save me from the humiliation that would come by reading this guy's reply. Or maybe he won't send anything back? I can only hope.

I stand up and start pacing around my room waiting for a response, but also desperately praying that one doesn't come. A few minutes pass by and I'm quickly starting to think that I won't get a response now, or anytime soon at least, because it's like eight fifty on a Sunday morning. People were still sleeping, right? Do gays go to church? Wait…I don't even want to _go _there, never mind.

"You have mail!" The automated voice on my computer suddenly shouted.

"Huh?" I say as I spin around in mid step and look at my computer screen which has a yellow envelope floating in the corner. Shit. Shit. Shit. _Shit_. He replied! What do I do? '_Answer it, stupid,_' a voice in my head instructs me and wondrously, I listen. I calmly step over to my desk, sink into the wooden chair and click on the envelope.

'_Sure, Ichi, I'll answer some questions; I've got nothing better to do right now. What's with all the weird typing, btw? You scared or somethin'? Shit's hilarious!_

_What were you doing on that sex shop's website anyway? That's a fuckin' weird way to find someone's email address._

_-Grimmjow'_

Ichi? Did this guy, who I don't even _know_, just call me, _Ichi_? And he laughed at my email! Okay, so I admit that my original message was typed a bit ridiculously, but did he have to point that out? Fuming over this idiot's blunt comments and overall rudeness, I hastily reply. I'm not gonna let some stranger make fun of me!

'_Like hell I'm scared and I just accidentally came across that website! I wasn't looking for anything so don't you get any weird ideas in your head!_

_And my name's Ichi_go_!_

_Well, anyway, about those questions. I guess what I need to know is:_

_What is your opinion on gay marriage? _

_Why do same-sex couples want to marry? _

_Why aren't civil unions enough?_

_Thanks for your time,_

_-Ichigo (not Ichi)_'

There, that should set him straight, I hope. I'm still a little flustered by Grimmjow's first response, but as long as I get my answers, I don't care what he says (as long as he doesn't call me Ichi again). Normally the only person who I would ever tolerate calling me Ichi is Yuzu, and she doesn't even call me that name that often. It just doesn't match at all with the reputation that I try so hard to maintain. I can't just let random fucks go around calling me Ichi!

Surprisingly, only about a minute goes by before I get my response. Could he have really answered those questions that fast?

'_What? So now looking for stuff on a gay sex shop's website is weird? I thought you were writing a paper FOR gay marriage. I'm genuinely offended._

_Dick._'

I… what? Is he serious? I didn't mean it like that! Even though he was a jerk to me first, I really didn't mean to hurt Grimmjow's feelings, so I guess I'll apologize. Hopefully then he'll give me a real answer and I can get on with my life.

'_Listen, Grimmjow, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that and I didn't mean to offend you. My paper is actually pro same-sex marriage…_'

There, apology sent. Please, _please_ accept. About five minutes go by and I'm up again, pacing my room. I then hear the familiar email alert and go to read it.

'_Haha, Ichi, I was just yankin' your chain. I don't give a fuck if you think sex shops are weird or if you are or aren't against gays. Anyway, I'll answer your questions, thanks for makin' me laugh._

_I guess my opinion on the situation is that people should be allowed to do what they want if they love the person. It's not just about stupid rights and protections that are given to married couples. That's what I think and that's why gays and lesbians want to marry. Civil unions are bullshit because comparing marriage and civil unions is like comparing diamonds to rhinestones. One is the real deal and the other is a cheap excuse for the real thing._

_Hit me back if you need anything else, Ichi~_'

Okay forget that he actually had an intelligent response—Hey! That motherfucker called me Ichi _AGAIN_ and he was totally fucking around with me! The nerve of this guy! And to think that I felt _bad _for what I said earlier!

Over the course of an hour, I berate Grimmjow about calling me Ichi, but we also get into a long conversation about my debate topic. Putting aside the annoying fact that he teases me every chance he gets about me being on the sex shop website, I discover that Grimmjow is really strong willed and opinionated, and I like that in people. He's almost the complete opposite of people like Orihime. In the back of my mind a voice is saying that if I ever met this guy one day, I wouldn't mind being friends with him. I would, of course, have to punch him a few times to get him back for being a smart ass, but otherwise, I think Grimmjow is pretty cool.

To my extreme disappointment, Grimmjow tells me that he has to go now, and I find myself wishing he didn't. I really enjoyed chatting with him. A sinking feeling enters my stomach and I try to make sense of what it's from. Could it be that I want to keep talking, but the realization that we may never talk again is depressing? As the thought pops into my head, I type to Grimmjow telling him that I might message him again for more information, though I know full well that I have all the answers I need from him. I just wanted an excuse to keep in touch, is that crazy? Maybe it is, but before I can stop myself, I send the email to him. There's no going back now.

Surprisingly, I'm not nervous about what he thinks. I have a feeling that he probably wants to keep talking to me too. Seconds later, I get a reply that says simply:

'_Sure, Ichi, message me anytime you want._'

I gave up long ago trying to get him off calling me Ichi. I'll let you in on a little secret, though: it's starting to not bug me all that much anymore. I don't exactly know why, but it might be growing on me just a teensy bit.

Smiling at my success with Grimmjow, I close my laptop, because frankly, I've had enough work for one day. My debate isn't due for another week and I actually have most of it done now, I just need to interview Yumichika and Chizuru.

My phone buzzes on the desk next to me and I look down to see that I have a message from Chad. I open it and read that he wants to know if I'd like to come over and play a new video game (The Last Fantasy CCCLXIX) that he bought. I'm all for that! I text him back saying that I'll be over in a little bit. Once I've readied myself, I yell in the general direction of where my father is that I'm leaving.

Like a phantom, he appears out of seemingly thin air and attempts to land a powerful kick to my head and yells to me that I'd better be home by my curfew or else I'd feel his fatherly wrath. I safely dodge his foot and hurry out the door feeling very accomplished.

.x.x.x.

_(Grimmjow)_

We were at a small coffee shop just outside our campus, and by we, I mean Ulquiorra and me. When he had finally risen from the dead, he decided that caffeine would cure his splitting head ache. Not wanting to let him escape, I chose to tag along. I didn't feel like waiting in the horrendously long line with him, so I grudgingly mumbled that I was going to save some seats for us. I hate feeling like he's avoiding this confrontation, but if he thinks I'm going to let it go, he's horribly mistaken.

I busy my time waiting by brushing some old crumbs off the small olive green table while sitting in a fucking uncomfortable metal chair. Once the surface is as clean as it's going to get, I begin people watching because I'm a cynic and poking fun at others is amuses me.

I spy a middle aged man with the beginnings of a comb over playing a game that I'm pretty sure Yammy used to play - Planet of Warcraft. A smirk creeps onto my face despite my foul mood because I remember how upset he would get when something didn't go according to plan in the game.

Out of the corner of my eye, I catch what appears to be a young girl staring at me. I turn my gaze over to her and she hurriedly hides behind a news paper she was reading. Do eleven year old girls read the news? I pretend to look away and her head, which sports light green hair, slowly emerges over the top of the paper, her pink eyes studying me curiously. I wonder if she's here alone? Suddenly she folds the news paper and slips what looks like a small camera into the pocket of her jeans. She stands up and power walks up the street and around the corner. Kids these days are fucking bizarre.

Somehow, this reminds me of my conversation with Ichigo a little earlier, which wasn't necessarily bizarre, but perhaps just a strange coincidence. The guy had proved to be pretty cool but easily worked up, which I found fucking hilarious. He despised being called Ichi, so I made it a point to do so at every chance I got. While joking around we also had a nice chat about his school paper or whatever he was working on, but that isn't what interested me the most. What was intriguing was how easily we got on, even if we only had talked for like an hour and a half and have never met in person before. It kind of reminds me of when Ulquiorra and I first started dating, but Ichigo was a lot different. He seems more…. alive.

Speaking of old deathly himself, Ulquiorra shows up with a coffee cup in his thin hand. He sits down slowly and glances around, definitely trying to avoid eye contact. I remain determined, though, and speak first.

"So, what'd you get?" I start.

"My usual – black coffee," He replies blandly, still not looking at me.

"Black like your soul?" I find myself joking, trying to bring him out of himself. He doesn't seem amused, however. He frowns and I choose to stop beating around the bush.

"Listen, Ulq, you know that I care about you, but I really can't do nights like last night anymore. I'm tired of this shit. I know you're sad about your dad, but you can't stay this way forever. There has to be a point where you pick up and move on, and I really don't want to pick up your pieces for you anymore."

I notice that his grip on his cup tightens, but he still hasn't even glanced at me. My temper is rising because I wish he would at least acknowledge that I'm talking to him.

"Look at me, god damn it," I hissed with anger in my voice and that finally does the trick. He stares intensely into my eyes, and I continue, "I really, _really_ don't want to do this, but if you're going to continue on the path that you've been going down, I just can't be with you anymore. I'm dead serious."

I watch as his whole body stiffens and I wonder if he's about to crush his cup in his hand. Then, he replies with something that I didn't expect at all.

"You're right, Grimmjow. I've been an absolute idiot. It was completely illogical for me to act the way that I did, and I'm very sorry for putting you through what I have. I promise nothing of the sort will happen ever again. If you could ever forgive me, I would be eternally grateful."

What is this feeling? Relief? Joy? Whatever it is, I'm grinning like a fool. Do I really get to have the old Ulquiorra back?

"I – of course I forgive you!" I say. I haven't felt this excited in such a long time. Then a question that's been lingering in the back of my mind pushes its way to the front. "So, one question, who were those guys at the party last night? They were a bunch of assholes."

Ulquiorra looks down at the table before replying.

"I met them in my health class, which should have given me a hint because you know the kind of people you meet in health classes. Anyway, they invited me to that party and were okay at first, but once they found out I had a boyfriend, their attitudes seemed to change. I was stupid and didn't think anything of it, though, but I'm fairly certain they tried to hurt me, or perhaps get a rise out of you and get you in trouble."

As happy as I was a second ago, I quickly become at least twice as pissed the fuck off. Those little shits. I'll beat their faces in if I ever see them again. Ulquiorra's voice pierces my enraged thoughts.

"Look, don't concern yourself with them anymore. What matters now is that things are going to improve, right?"

For some reason, I get the feeling that things are _not _going to get better at all.


	3. Beg

_G'day ladies and gents, it's Kimba again. You may have noticed that I changed my pen-name and that's because I no longer share this account with my friend. So, yeah. _

_Anyway, here's the third chapter! I really hope you like it! It's pretty long and took me a while to write. Thank you once again __**Zev**__ for helping me with ideas and just being awesome in general._

_School is starting soon for me so my updates may take a little longer in between, but I'll do my best to keep them regular. I really want to finish this story and I don't want to have you wait forever for new chapters!_

_Love you all!_

_-Kimba_

Strawberry Catnip

"Beg"

_(Ichigo)_

"Ichigo!" My sister calls through the door of my room at an all too early hour.

Please. No.

"Hey Ichigo!"

Ugh.

"Ichigo, if you don't wake up, you're gonna be late!"

But it's _Friday_, Yuzu!

"Dad might eat your breakfast if you don't come down soon…"

My eyelids snap open and I sit up straight away. My stomach growls ravenously as if to say, 'That's _my _breakfast.'

"Okay, okay, I'm up! Just don't let that old fart touch my food!" I say in as pleasant of a voice as possible. I'm not upset at Yuzu; I've just never been much of a morning person.

I throw off my warm comforter and swing my legs over the edge of my bed. My toes recoil from the cold when they touch the wooden floor, but I tough it out and mechanically put on my school uniform; consisting of gray slacks, a white button up shirt and black shoes. Because the weather is cooling down, I also put on the gray jacket that comes with the uniform.

I hate going to school on Fridays. Fridays are practically the weekend already, so we should just have them off, in my opinion. Besides, I only have four classes on Fridays, which means I get to go home early, but I have calculus, advanced biology, gym and debate so I can't really skip those if I want to graduate and go to medical school like I want to.

Oh _shit_.

Speaking of debate, I still haven't finished mine, and this is the last day to interview Chizuru and Yumi! I know that procrastination isn't a great habit to have, but it's just so _easy _to slip into. I know you know what I mean. Normally I find the time to study and get schoolwork done, but Renji's been having a hard time letting go of the summer and keeps inviting me to come over and hang out with Rukia and him. Which would you pick?

A tiny tapping noise sounds from the window above my bed and I notice that there are voices outside. I walk over and slide it open to see who they are coming from.

"Kurosaki! You ready man? We're gonna be late if you don't get out here now." Mizuiro says to me as he waves. Keigo is busy rummaging through his bag for something but he still flashes me an idiotic smile as I look down at them. I usually walk to school with Mizuiro and Keigo, but I didn't think it was so late that they had been waiting already. I glance at the alarm clock on my desk and realize there's only fifteen minutes until school begins.

"Yeah, I'll be right down, sorry!" I yell at them as I shut the glass.

With renewed vigor, I grab my school bag from the foot of my bed and dash out of my room and down the stairs. I decide that breakfast will have to wait and that I'll just eat when I get home. My father doesn't even have time to attack me before I sprint out the front door and make my way to school.

I know you've all experienced this at least once in your life: that feeling that the day just isn't going fast enough? You try not to watch the clock, but you end up staring at it for minutes on end only to shake yourself from a daze and realize that a mere ten minutes has gone by.

Well, that's what's been happening to me, and of course it would happen on a Friday; the day where everyone is ready to start the weekend by going to a party or simply relaxing at home. Unfortunately, I'm only a little more than halfway done with the day and heading to third period, which would be gym. I guess the day hasn't been going all that bad. Gym class is a good place to unwind and stretch your legs and I did get the chance to best Uryu in a few math problems.

Calculus, while usually boring, was rather entertaining because of the aforementioned math war with Uryu. I wouldn't say that I am the smartest person in the class, but I try to give Uryu as much of a hard time as I can. As we were assigned questions on the blackboard in the front of the classroom, we would go back and forth solving problem after problem until the teacher, Mr. Ukitake, forced us into our seats and told us we were banned from answering another question until Monday. This was a good thing, I decided, because the problems were getting continuously harder and I don't think I could have answered many more, but I think Uryu could. This irked me, so I continued to glare at him from across the room, but he resigned himself to ignoring me, which was even more annoying.

In advanced biology, we continued learning about the brain and the processes that go on in it and it's really very interesting, but my teacher creeps me the fuck out. The way Mr. Kurotsuchi talks about the human body makes the hair on my arms and the back of my neck stand up. It's a morbid love for him, I guess.

I arrive at the gym and I have the chance to interview Yumi. We're in the locker room changing into our gym clothes which are gray shorts, sneakers and a white t-shirt. Once outside, I make sure that our teacher, Mr. Zaraki, is distracted with some other students before I make my way over to where Yumi and Ikkaku are standing.

"Hey," I greet them casually. Yumi turns around from their conversation and gives me a slight smile, while Ikkaku grins widely at me. Yumi has chin length straight black hair and bright lavender eyes. He uses red and yellow eyeliner to make a feathery design on the corner of his right eye, making his sexuality extremely obvious. I think he got Ikkaku to do something similar (which surprises me) because he has slight red markings underneath both of his eyes, but in striking contrast to his partner, he is completely bald—supposedly it was voluntary—but I have my doubts. Don't say that to him though; he doesn't like being called bald.

"Hey Kurosaki, you comin' to get your ass kicked in sparring again?" Ikkaku taunts. Ever since he learned that I used to do martial arts, he always wants to spar with me to prove that he's the best. He absolutely idolizes Mr. Zaraki, who also likes to try to give me a beating.

"Ya know, I seem to remember that it was _you_ who got your ass kicked by _me_, baldy." Ah, breaking the cardinal rule of talking to Ikkaku is always fun. I never said that I actually _followed _that rule. Ikkaku points a finger angrily at me and his face becomes visibly redder.

"For the last time, damn it, I'm not fucking bald!" He says viciously. I'm sure he meant to be intimidating, but I only laugh at him – and his baldness. He folds his arms and stalks off toward Mr. Zaraki with a huff.

"Oh dear, you've really pissed him off," Yumi remarks as we both watch Ikkaku begin sparring with our teacher.

"Sorry, dude, I just couldn't help it," I chuckle and Yumi snickers too before I continue. "But yeah, what I came over here for was to ask you if you could help me by giving me some information that I can use in my debate for Mr. Kyouraku's class? We'd have to sneak back in the locker room, though, because I left my pen and paper in there."

"Sure hon' – anything to get outta this class. I like him and all, but if Mr. Zaraki thinks I'm going to actually break a sweat in this class, he's very mistaken," Yumi replies and starts to slink over to the locker room door.

Once inside, I ask him all the same questions that I did Grimmjow and I can't help but to keep thinking about him as I interview Yumi. I'm wondering if Grimmjow would actually mind if I talked to him again and I'm a little confused with myself because I truly _want _to talk to him. I thought that I'd just forget about him, but I guess he's just one of those people that leaves a lasting impression on you, ya know? I thought you had to meet someone in real life to leave an impression on them.

It's strange to me how someone I've only talked to on the internet for a little while could stick in my mind for so long. The idea of chatting with Grimmjow again sends tiny waves of excitement through my body – a feeling I'm not really familiar with. Maybe it's because I'm doing something I've never done before or the anonymity that the internet offers is addicting? Either way, I never expected that I would enjoy chatting online.

I've never been one for online social networking because I always thought that you should meet people in your everyday life because that's how people actually get to know each other. My friends have tried really hard to get me to make a Visagebook for a couple years now, but the way I see it, if people want to get a hold of me, then they can have my phone number. Isn't that how it's supposed to be? Wasn't that how it was done up until recently? Aren't there, like, really sick people online? I suppose there are sick people everywhere, though, and just because you met them in real life doesn't mean they aren't crazy. Look at Mr. Zaraki for example. He's mad as a hatter. I guess, admittedly, it's really easy to avoid strange people online if you know how to protect yourself and don't give away too much information.

So maybe having an online friend isn't so weird after all. I mean, lots of people are meeting online and then in real life nowadays, aren't they?

I decide that going home tonight and messaging Grimmjow won't be weird and hopefully it'll be fun like it was last time. I still couldn't tell you exactly why the need to talk to him was becoming harder and harder to resist. I'm just drawn to the way he talks and the way he thinks, I guess.

"Um, Ichigo? Are you spacing out? Are you finished? Hello?" Yumi sighs and flips his hair agitatedly. "I mean, I thought you were supposed to be talking to me? I don't give my time out to just anybody, you know. You're lucky that you're my friend and cute because I could never forgive an ugly stranger if they let their attention fall from me."

Yumi's voice pulls me back into reality and I stutter for a second trying to come up with a response to his comment. Yumi can be so self-center—wait, did he say I was cute?

"Uh, actually yeah, I am finished and… thanks?" I manage.

"Well, it would've been nice for you to have said something before you sunk into deep thought," He says with a pseudo-pouty look and then reads the clock on the cement wall of the locker room. "We've got ten more minutes of class, so what do you say we go ahead and change back into our uniforms early?"

"Sounds like a plan to me," I reply and then head down a couple rows of lockers to where my clothes and bag are stashed.

I quickly flick off my shoes and gym shorts and pull my uniform pants on. I'm still a little lost in thought about Grimmjow still. Was I being crazy about messaging him again?

"So, how are you and Orihime doing?"

I nearly jump out of the pants I had just slipped on at the sound of Yumi's voice directly behind me. My eyes lock onto him as he observes the nails on his right hand. How did he change so quickly!

"H-how long were you standing there?" I clutch my bare chest as my heart slowly returns to a normal beat.

"Not long," He smiles slyly before continuing. "But you didn't answer my question."

"I, well, fine, I guess. Why?" I reply and quickly button up my shirt and put my school shoes back on. What's this about?

"You guess? Interesting," He says rather like a psychiatrist or something. "So you're not upset that she went away with Tatsuki for the weekend and didn't say anything to you?"

"What?" I say dumbly. Is that why neither she nor Tatsuki were in school today? I noticed their absence, but dismissed it because I thought that maybe I just kept missing them in the hallways since we don't have classes together today. Come to think of it, I haven't gotten any texts from either of them all day, and normally I can count on Hime to send at least one. How the hell did Yumi know all this? Wait, never mind, forget I asked.

"Yeah, Ikkaku told me that Tatsuki went away to some end of the summer martial arts tournament for the weekend, because, you know, they talk about that stuff a lot. He also mentioned that Orihime was going with her, which I thought was strange because I remember yesterday when you told me that you were hopefully hanging out with Orihime this weekend, so I just assumed that she must not have told you. Is that true? Why wouldn't she tell you?" Yumi presses me for information so fast that my head starts to spin.

I don't know why Hime wouldn't have told me about going away with Tatsuki for the weekend. I'm not really bothered that she's with Tatsuki, but why didn't I know about this until now? More than a little confused, I glance at Yumi who is watching me closely like I might go into a dramatic confession about Orihime's and my relationship. I don't know what to think about this situation. Maybe Hime just forgot to say anything to me? It wouldn't be the first time something like that has happened. Before I can even begin to formulate a response, though, a loud voice booms from the direction of the door that leads outside.

"AYASEGAWA! KUROSAKI! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" Mr. Zaraki's half-crazed yells reach us. Scared classmates of ours start pouring past us and some even warn us to run. I look at Yumi who looks at me and we both nod at each other before grabbing our things and dashing madly toward the exit to the hallway.

Yet, even while panicking, my brain still manages to find time to be disturbed about what I learned from Yumi just now.

As I sit and listen to Mr. Kyouraku's smooth voice as he talks to us, I can't help but to think about Orihime. I'm driving myself crazier and crazier with "what if" scenarios and I desperately wish something would take my mind off things, even for a second. Sure, watching Mr. Kyouraku fend off Mr. Zaraki—from beating me—and remind him of his anger management breathing exercises was amusing albeit frightening, but now that the threat had passed, I found myself lost in confused thoughts.

Hime is a kind person, and she's my _girlfriend_. I know she cares about me, so why would she not have mentioned going away with Tatsuki to me? Would it really be plausible to assume that she had just forgotten to tell me? My brain offers no comforting responses. In all honesty, I'm probably working myself up more than I need to, but my name wouldn't be Ichigo Kurosaki if I didn't.

It's halfway through last period—debate now—and I suddenly realize that I still have to interview Chizuru. Luckily for me, though, she's in this class. As if on cue, Mr. Kyouraku allows us to use the computers in our classroom so that we may put the finishing touches on our debate assignments if we need to. Scanning the room for Chizuru, I notice her flirting with a girl named Michiru Ogawa and make my way over to them.

"Hey Chizuru. Hi Michiru," I greet them, but before I can say anymore, Chizuru cuts me off with a flurry of questions. Michiru takes this opportunity to scamper away from the both of us. Tatsuki's told me that she's afraid of me because I don't smile. I don't really get that, but okay.

"ICHIGO! Where is Hime? Did you do something to her? And where is Tatsuki? Why are they both missing today?" She lets out a rather loud gasp. "Did you guys break up? Has Hime finally seen the flaws in the male gender? Tatsuki will not steal Hime away like you did!" She finishes her assault on me with her finger mere centimeters from the tip of my nose. Her gray eyes glare daggers into my brown ones and I feel everyone else's from the classroom on my back.

I don't know what to say. That's two people who have asked or made comments about me and Orihime having problems with our relationship. Do we really seem like we are on the verge of breaking up to everyone else? This puts me in an even worse mood, but I decide to put it off for now and just text Hime about all of this when I leave to go home.

"No, we didn't break up," I grumble. I don't even know why I'm getting defensive. I don't have a reason to be, do I? "She's just on a trip with Tatsuki to some martial arts tournament for the weekend."

"Oh," Chizuru replies simply. "So if you weren't coming over here to tell me that I could have Hime all to myself, then what did you want?"

"I just wanted to ask you some questions for my debate," I say through gritted teeth. Why am I getting so upset? I tell myself to just calm down, but I feel so out of control. I don't know what's going on with my girlfriend and I hate the feeling that other people might know more about this situation than I do.

I think Chizuru senses my frustration because she calmly answers my questions and doesn't ask me anything else about Orihime. By the end of class, I have some pretty decent answers from her, so I quickly thank her for her time and go back to my desk. I shove my notebook rather violently into my bag which draws a few stares from my classmates, but I ignore them and go to stand by the exit, wishing the dismissal bell would ring.

A couple minutes later it does and I swiftly make my way toward the front door of the school. I'm staring so intently at the ground that I didn't even realize that a person standing in front of me wasn't moving out of my way until I collided with her – oh God, it's Rangiku. I bounce back off her breasts, stunned.

"Ichigo, what's wrong? You don't look so good," She asks me with a concerned tone and appears to be unfazed from our collision. Her white shirt is barely ruffled, with the buttons unbuttoned to a dangerously low point. I think she hemmed her gray skirt _yet again_ because I definitely see about an inch more of leg than I did yesterday.

"I'm sorry, Rangiku. I wasn't paying attention. It's nothing, though," I lie. I don't want to tell her about my worries mostly because I don't want her to reveal that she knew something I didn't or tell me her thoughts about my relationship with Orihime. I kneel down to help her pick up the books that I had bumped out of her hands.

"It's okay, Ichigo, besides, you're just the guy I was looking for," She smiles sweetly as I hand her back her books.

"I am?" Huh?

"Yeah! Walk with me to my class and then I promise I'll let you go home! I really can't be tardy today!" She says excitedly and motions for me to follow her. I fall in step beside her and she then reveals what she was looking for me for. "Okay, so, Gin's birthday was like a week ago, but I wanted to throw him a party this weekend because my parents are out of town, so it'd be really awesome if you came over. Would you please?"

My raging bad mood nearly makes me say no to her right away, but I can tell that she really wants me to come to this birthday party for Gin. Gin Ichimaru is Rangiku's longtime boyfriend. They apparently met in elementary school and are really close. He used to go to our school so I've seen him around before, but he's a couple years older than us so he's already graduated. I heard he was offered a few full scholarships to really prestigious colleges in a couple different countries because he's like a genius or something, but he turned them all down to go to school closer to Rangiku. He seemed a little strange whenever I saw him, and he's always smiling, but he treats Rangiku like a queen, so I can't hate him.

"I know Orihime won't be there 'cause she's on that trip thingy with Tatsuki, but will you please still come?" Rangiku pleads with me. I think she supposes that I'm hesitating because Orihime won't be there, and there's most likely going to be alcohol involved if I know anything about Rangiku, and some couples have problems with the other partying when they aren't there with them, but that's not it.

"Oh, no, that's not it," I quickly reassure Rangiku before finishing. "Sure, I'll come to the party. Who's gonna be there?" I don't really know whether I will or won't go, but I'm just going to say yes for right now.

"Oh, you know - the usual! Gin and me, of course, and Renji, Rukia, Yumi, Ikkaku, Chad - Uryu said he'll see if he can make it, you know how he likes to act like he's too cool for these things – Shuuhei, Izuru, Momo – you know how she has a crush on my little brother – and Mr. Kyouraku…" she trails off casually and I almost don't realize that there's something terribly wrong with that sentence.

"Wait, what? You can't invite _teachers _to high school parties! That's, like, really fuckin' illegal!" I don't like to rain on peoples' parades, but _really_, Rangiku? She puts on a child-like pout of disappointment and stops walking. I thought it was because she was upset, but then I notice that we're actually outside of her next class already.

"Aww, c'mon, why is everybody saying that? I thought it would be fun and Mr. Kyouraku is a nice guy! Well, if people really don't want him there then I guess I'll have to tell him that he can't come," She finishes in a defeated tone.

"I promise the party will be just as fun without him there," I console her and then I remember why Rangiku is one of my best friends. She probably didn't even invite Mr. Kyouraku like she said. I think she was just trying to cheer me up, in her weird Rangiku way. She starts to giggle uncontrollably and I allow the people around us to see a small chuckle escape me, but on the inside, my spirits have been lifted but only for this little moment.

"Oh, one more thing, you know I don't like money or asking for it, but if you could either brink some drinks or money for drinks, that'd be really awesome! Thanks Ichigo!" She gives me a light peck on the cheek and then prances into her classroom, unaware that because of her slow pace she was actually late to class.

I smirk slightly and then resume my exiting of the school. Once outside, I open my phone and send a message to Orihime politely asking her why she didn't tell me about going away with Tatsuki for the weekend. I don't want to beat around the bush, but I don't want to be angry with her either, so I'm just going to wait until I get a reply from her to do anything.

As I journey home, I wonder to myself what I could occupy myself with for the rest of the night. Thoughts of Grimmjow resurface and I remember that I was going to message him… but maybe after I watch that episode of False Blood that Chad said was really good.

Many, _many_ hours later, I find myself face down on the couch downstairs, drooling as I'm half asleep, after an exhausting marathon of False Blood. It wasn't that bad of a show. I'm normally not into fantasy, but the first season was pretty good.

I slowly push myself into a sitting position, rubbing the crick in my neck and wiping the saliva off my chin. I recall stripping down into my green boxers and throwing a sky blue t-shirt on when I came home from school and then immediately beginning to watch TV. The cable box underneath said TV tells me that it's nearly two on Saturday afternoon which is sort of disappointing. I do love to sleep in, but I also don't like to waste the day. Granted I did stay up very late watching an ungodly addicting show, but I don't remember the last time I slept until two.

Deprived of anymore episodes to watch—since I watched a good bit of them last night—I decide to get some lunch and head up to my room. I ease myself off the couch and enter the kitchen where I quickly snatch the whole gallon of milk from the fridge, a whole box of cereal, and a rather large serving bowl and spoon and bring them all up to my room. Yuzu left a note on the kitchen table explaining that she, Karin and Dad had gone out grocery shopping and would be back later.

Once in my room, I dump nearly all of the ingredients of my brunch into the bowl that I put on my desk and begin feasting. I also start thinking of what I'm going to do today. Rangiku's party is later on tonight, but as I flip open my phone, I see that I have yet to receive a response from Orihime about this weekend. I decide not to let this deter me, though, because she'll have to face the music eventually on Monday, so I'm definitely going to Rangiku's party. I'm trying not to be annoyed with Hime, but I'll admit that I am kinda ticked.

I don't know if it is irritation, exhaustion, hunger or a combination of all three spurring me on (mostly exhaustion and irritation, I think), but I find myself opening my laptop and getting into my email to message Grimmjow. To hell with it; I'm feeling a little reckless today, so why the fuck not?

'_Hey Grimmjow,_' I start. I wait for myself to hesitate, to second guess myself about talking to Grimmjow again, but surprisingly I feel good about this email, so I type on.

'_What's up, man? How are you? I'm doing okay. _(I'm unsure of whether or not he'd actually care to hear about Orihime, so I won't go into it.)_ My debate is pretty much done, so I just emailed because it's Saturday afternoon and I just woke up after an all night marathon of False Blood. You ever watch that show? It's pretty good if you like that sort of thing._

_I'm just lying around my room, so feel free to message me back whenever you get this._

_-Ichigo_'

Satisfied with my message, I click send before my regained confidence has the chance to disappear and then resume devouring my cereal. It feels nice to have someone that doesn't know too much about you or your personal life for them to really judge you. Maybe that's why I'm really hopeful that Grimmjow replies. Escaping reality sounds pretty nice right about now.

.x.x.x.

_(Grimmjow)_

It's late Saturday morning and I'm relaxing in the warm sun rays that are coming through the dorm window. God, I could stay here forever but the thing that keeps me from falling into a full on cat nap is the fact that Ulquiorra hasn't returned yet. I don't want to text him because he told me that he would contact me first when he could. Normally I wouldn't have listened to him for this long, but I don't want to get him in trouble in case the police told him that people should leave him alone.

Thursday evening the detectives on his father's suicide case gave him a ring and he explained that he had to go and meet with them and a lawyer about his father's last wishes. Apparently all of this information had been withheld due to an ongoing investigation because some believed the suicide to actually be a murder. I don't know what to make of it, and I'm not sure where Ulq stands on this issue or how it's affecting him, but I sure hope he's okay. I just want this nightmare to be over.

Ever since our talk at the coffee shop, being with Ulquiorra has steadily been becoming the way it used to be. I know it's only been a week, but he has been making conversation with me more and I couldn't have asked for anything better. But where would good be without bad? Ulquiorra has also been becoming a little irritable asshole because he hasn't had his drugs in days. I don't know that much about withdrawal, but I don't think this is something I have to take Ulq to rehab for because he's just getting fuckin' snappy (none of that shaking crap). I can tolerate his attitude for a little bit, but I have a mean bite as well—or so I've been told.

Even though I'm happier now that Ulquiorra and I have been working on our problems and I think we can be happy together again, I still have this lurking, sinking feeling that things aren't all right. Like they'll never be the way they were again, no matter how much I want them to be. It's hard to describe, but I feel like I'm trying to put a tiny ass band aid over a gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be. It's driving me insane. Speaking of things that drive me insane…

A cloud passes under the sun effectively cutting me off from my happy vitamin D. I glare out the window and see that the clouds stretch on for miles and it's impossible to tell when the sun will be revealed again. Grumbling, I sit up and try to think of something to do. Nothing comes to mind, but I notice that I'm maddeningly thirsty. I slide off my bed so that I can get into the mini-fridge underneath. However, when I open it, my irritation heightens and I find that I have nothing left to drink at all. No soda. Not even water; and I'll be damned if I drink it out of the sink. Like hell I'd trust the dorm bathrooms to be clean.

I decide to head off campus to the convenience store to restock on the general college beverages like Mountain Doo, Dr. Salt and milk. I fuckin' love milk.

A couple hours later, I'm leaning against the wall of the elevator going up to my dorm. I took my time out in town by stopping in random shops on the way to the grocery store. There was a toy store that I had a great time at but I guess they didn't find me very amusing when I put on a flaming red afro wig and took a wooden sword and starting brandishing it at all the customers who came through the door. C'mon, a bit of rough housing never killed anyone, right? And what's up with kids these days who don't want to fight with someone who's antagonizing them? Those little brats need to learn how to fight (and I just wanted to have fun).

Anyway, after security escorted me off the premises (something about terrorizing small children), I picked up the beverages I needed (oh sweet milk) and made my way back on campus, making sure to glare into the toy store as I passed it again.

The elevator makes a dinging sound, signaling that I'm on the floor that I want. I step out and make my way to my door and fumble with my keys for a second before unlocking the door and pushing it open.

Something is wrong - very, very wrong.

Where the fuck is all of Ulquiorra's stuff? I drop the grocery bag in the door way and look frantically around. His side of the room has been completely cleared out. His bedding, his notebooks, his clothes – everything is gone. The room smells heavily of pine freshener and I can tell that all of his standard dorm furniture has been cleaned. It's like he was never even here to begin with.

I can rule out burglary because as I start to look through my things, I know that nothing has been taken, though I can tell that someone had looked through them. I'm extremely confused and also worried. Had something happened to Ulquiorra? Would I have heard about it if he got hurt? I decide to look around the dorm building and ask if anyone had seen Ulquiorra come through at all. I step out of the dorm, still not bothering to put away my drinks and begin looking for people to interrogate.

I search the entire floor but only find a couple people in a lounge who tell me that they haven't seen anyone on this floor since they'd gotten there an hour ago. That still leaves like an hour and a half between the time I left the building and the time they got in the lounge. Who could clear out so much stuff so quickly without anybody seeing? Then an idea occurs to me. Aha! I know who would have _had_ to have seen _something_.

Not wanting to deal with the elevator, I dash for the stairwell and descend to the ground level. The security guard is sitting in her usual spot watching a tiny DVD player. I approach the front desk and wait for her to notice me, but she doesn't even look up from her movie. I clear my throat but still get no response.

"Uh, hello?" I say impatiently.

"What do you want?" She asks nonchalantly, still not taking her eyes off the DVD. It's people like this who make murder seem easy.

"I was wondering if you had seen my, uh, friend. He's a little shorter than me with black hair and he's kinda pale? All his stuff's gone and I was wondering if you'd seen anybody with moving boxes?" I ask with as even of a tone as I can manage. God I want to knock this lady's block off.

"Listen, I just got back from lunch and frankly, I don't remember any faces that come and go through here. If they have passes, they are allowed to come in - simple as that. Now please, I'm trying to watch a movie here. Rude," She finishes and dismisses me and STILL doesn't look away from her movie. That's the last straw.

"What the fuck kind of security guard _are _you?" I ask in disbelief as I slam my fist onto her desk instead of through the back of her DVD player like my anger was urging me to. At least that got a slightly frightened look out of her. Satisfied, I climb the stairs back to my floor and decide to search the dorm room one more time.

As I step into the room, I decide I should at least put away my groceries, so I pick up the bag and walk open to my mini-fridge and open it. Instead of it being empty, however, there is a small folded piece of paper that wasn't there before. I snatch it up and replace it with my drinks. Could it be a note? I open it and see that it's clearly Ulquiorra's handwriting, which gives me some relief but what it says leaves me feeling drained.

'_Grimmjow,_

_I'm sorry that I couldn't say this in person, but I can't be with you anymore. I've decided to withdraw from school with you and to go live with distant relatives elsewhere. I just don't feel the same about us like I used to and I think that getting away from this area will do me good. Please don't try to find me. I've already blocked your number._

_I'm sorry things didn't work out. It was fun while it lasted._

_-Ulquiorra_'

As I finish reading the letter, I let the paper fall from my hand. I move to a sitting position on my bed and try to sort out my feelings. I've never been broken up with before. I assumed it didn't feel good, and it doesn't, but oddly enough there's a small part of me saying '_I told you so_'. It's like my subconscious was expecting this, and I could kind of always feel it. I guess I was just trying to prolong the inevitable, but I just wish Ulq had the balls to tell me this shit to my face. It's just like when we first met – he didn't acknowledge me as an equal then, and he still doesn't to this day.

If Ulquiorra had any shit left in this room, I would have broken it. I want so badly for some form of closure. I'd prefer this kind of thing to be in person but even a lousy fucking phone call would have been better than _this_.

As if to taunt me, my email alerts me that I have a new message. Thoughts of Ulquiorra swarm my mind, and I know that it'd be ridiculous to think that he might have messaged me after leaving that note, but somehow I cling to hope and open my inbox.

Of course it's not from the person I was expecting. How could I have ever hoped it would be? Though, it's definitely from a person I wasn't expecting ever again. Ichigo Kurosaki, huh? What could he possibly want now? I almost don't open the email, fully intending to ignore it but there's a small part of me that is curious as to what Ichigo said.

Giving in, I sit at my desk and open the message. As I read, I think about fate and other ridiculous fairytale things like that. As someone walks out of my life, another one enters. Just as my dad walked out of mine, and Ulquiorra came in; now Ulquiorra is gone and Ichigo suddenly wants to chat with me. Am I in the fucking twilight zone or something?

Feeling like an emotional animal, I basically ignore Ichigo's entire message and begin raging on to him about what had just happened. The poor guy probably wasn't expecting this kind of response, but I feel like if I just talk to someone about it, that it would help bring me some of that thing called 'closure' that I so desperately want. It's amazing what people will tell to complete strangers before they would tell their closest friend of ten years.

Once I'm done summing up the rocky part of Ulquiorra's and my relationship, I hit send and immediately regret it. I feel like I'm going insane and I hate it. I never used to be this way. I used to think I knew everything. I used to be collected albeit spontaneous, but I just feel like a rag doll now. I used to be brand new, but now I just feel used emotionally and physically. I don't feel like myself anymore and it's the hardest thing that I've ever been through. I don't know what to feel and it makes me want to cry. I hold myself together, though, because I haven't cried since I was small and I'll be damned if I start now over someone who didn't even have to the decency to tell me goodbye to my face. I lay my head on the cool desk and try to calm myself down. I'm not going to let myself get worked up over this; it's not even worth it. It's kind of like Ulquiorra said about his father, '_Relationships are futile. They only bring pain._' But why does it feel so wrong to say that?

The sound signals that I have a new email in my inbox and this time I'm hesitant to look at it for different reasons than before. I really don't want for Ichigo to have a bad impression on me, but then I reason that I shouldn't even care what this kid thinks of me. I open the email and am genuinely surprised at what I find.

'_Grimmjow, I'm sorry man. I've been kind of going through some weird times with my girlfriend so I can understand where you're coming from and a little bit of what you're going through. I guess my advice to you would be to not get yourself too down about it. You did everything you knew how to fix it, but that's life – you win some, you lose some._

_Listen, I don't know if this would help, but my friend is having a party tonight, and you don't have to come, but if you want to get your mind of things then you're more than welcome to. Here's my number so that you can text me if you want the address of the house._

_321-677-1515_

_-Ichigo_'

At some point while I was reading I notice that a small smile had creeped its way onto my face. I reckon this Ichigo kid isn't so bad if he can comfort a total stranger like that. I'm not sure how I would have reacted if the situation was reversed, but I don't think it would have been the way Ichigo did.

Now I was at a loss for what to do, though. Would it be inappropriate for me to go to this party the day I was broken up with? I shake my head immediately at that thought. No, Ulquiorra doesn't deserve that from me anymore. I'm feeling more than just a little angst as I type Ichigo's number into my cell phone and send him a text saying that I'll come to this party. I ignore it though because I'm not going to let these crazy feelings take control of me anymore. I'm going to go back to the old Grimmjow who had confidence and a lot more fun. Misery loves company and I wasn't going to give it that satisfaction. Life is meant to be lived, and I'm definitely going to live it up.

As I walk down the street of a quaint little neighborhood, I feel considerably more nervous than I did when I agreed to come to this party. I'd only talked to this guy, what, like once? How did I know he was actually who he said he was? Come to think of it, how did he know that _I _was who I said and yet he still invited me down here? I let out an audible sigh to help clear my mind. I'll just keep my eyes open for anything suspicious. I'm a grown man and besides, I'm already down in this part of town, so I may as well see if this Ichigo is a real person or not.

I stop in front of a mailbox with the numbers '1010' on it and pull out my phone to confirm that the address of this Rangiku girl's house was 1010 Haineko St. Well, here goes nothing. I walk up the three steps onto the porch and ring the doorbell. I hear voices and the sounds of a party going on so I at least know that the party wasn't a lie.

The door sings open and a strawberry blonde girl with a drunken blush covering her entire face and huge tits comes tumbling out of the house. On reflex I catch her, before she hits the ground and starts rolling down the steps, though.

"You mmmmust beee Iiiichiiigo's l-little gay f-friend, eh?" She slurs at me and makes no effort to stand herself up. I wonder if she knows that her skin tight dress is hiked up so far that I can see the color of her panties. I don't think she does.

"My name's Grimmjow and yes, Ichigo did invite me. Um, who are you?" I answer as I try to get the girl to stand up on her own.

"Whattt! Iiichiiigo d-didn't t-tell y-you about mee? I'm Rrrangikuuu! D-duh!" She squeals in disappointment and frowns. "I'm g-gonna hafta teeeach him a lesssson!" She tries to right herself and pull her dress down, but to no avail. She starts falling forward and I'm worried that I won't catch her in time but luckily someone has appeared in the doorway to catch her.

"There you are, Rangiku! Gin and I have been looking all over for you. I thought I heard the doorbell ring," This new [black-haired] guy yells back into the house as he steps onto the porch, supporting Rangiku. "Gin! I found her! Come here!" I can't tell if this is Ichigo or not because I've never heard his voice and his face is being obscured by Rangiku's head. As if on cue, she calls him by his name.

"Iiichiiigooo, youuu didn't tell yourrr frrriendd ab-bout me, you b-big mmmeaniee," She attempts to step on his foot but misses by a large margin and nearly kicks me in the groin.

"Hey! Watch where you're aiming, woman!" I say. I'm not angry, I'm just having fun teasing a drunk girl. She giggles at me in what I think was meant to be an apology. Then another man with silver hair appears at the door and smiles at us.

"Rangiku, it's time to go bye-bye," He says in a tone that sounds like he's playing a game with the blonde. "Let Ichigo say hi to his friend, c'mon." He relieves Ichigo of his burden and brings the still giggling Rangiku back into her house while trying to force her dress back down to an appropriate length. I watch them go down the hallway and back toward the party and smile. I'm already feeling good about being here.

"Hey, Grimmjow," Someone greets me and I look back to where he's standing. I don't know if I'd say that I believe in love at first sight. I'm not that childish. What I _did_ see when I saw him, though, definitely gave me a strange feeling of being gravitated towards him. I felt like something metal being pulled towards a _very_ powerful magnet. It could have been the way his orange hair fell over his forehead, the way he was observing me with his chocolate brown eyes or the odd little smile he was giving me, but he was incredibly inviting.

"Hi _Ichiiii_," I tease and watch as his mouth twitches a little at my infamous nickname for him.

Oh yeah, tonight was gonna be fun.


	4. Starstruck

_Welcome all to the next installment of Strawberry Catnip! It took me forever to write this one, not because it was difficult, but just because I wanted to make it perfect. So I really hope you guys like it and I hope you all leave me wonderful feedback! :D_

_Also, thank you to Zevllyn who writes awesome stories and helps me write awesome stories._

_Love,_

_Kimba_

Strawberry Catnip

"Starstruck"

_(Ichigo)_

You know, I thought most people at least attempted to be nice when first meeting someone, instead of immediately calling them a name you _know _they'd _strongly _prefer you not to. I guess I'm just lucky that Grimmjow didn't do it around my friends… yet.

Feeling my mouth twitch, I still try my best to ignore the fact that Grimmjow just greeted me by calling me 'Ichi' and I reach my hand out to shake his. His handshake isn't rough, but it's firm; not really what I was expecting. He's a few inches taller than me and has a muscular but lean body. He's wearing some dark-stained jeans and a brown shirt with a skull on it that hugged his figure, but it wasn't too tight. He's surprisingly very normal looking, except for his (admittedly awesome) blue hair; not very flamboyant like the gay guys I already knew – Yumichika and Ikkaku - and honestly, I thought he'd be shorter than me. I guess I should have known better since I know firsthand that you can't judge a book by its cover.

He gives me a toothy grin, but his smiling face doesn't reach his eyes. His striking blue eyes look tired and I can make a pretty educated guess as to why. He's probably still a bit upset about that "Yule-k"-something guy or whatever his name was. I decide to distract him from his now ex-boyfriend he told me about earlier.

"Glad to finally meet you," I say to break the silence.

"You too," Grimmjow answers and puts his hands in his pockets. More unwanted quiet.

"Wanna go inside?" I ask him and gesture toward the door. Ugh, I'm an idiot. Of course he wants to go inside. Why else would he be here?

"If you want to," He replies, shrugging his shoulders. Of course I should know that he's not going to walk into an unknown person's house before me. I'm being a total dunce and I can't figure out why. Something about Grimmjow just scrambles my brain and I can't think straight. I keep getting lost in his stare, which is starting to make me uneasy because I _don't_ lose myself in peoples' eyes, so I look away.

"Follow me," I say and open the door. I step onto the navy blue carpet and wait for him to enter before reclosing it. "Oh, take your shoes off, please. Rangiku's parents are neat freaks." I add and watch as he kicks off a pair of black and blue skating shoes.

"It's not like I was dirty or anything," Grimmjow says with a hurt tone in his voice. I didn't think I sounded like I was implying that, did I? Shit.

"No, that's not what I mea—"

"Hah, I'm just yankin' yer chain, Ichi. You should see the look on your face," Grimmjow laughs at my embarrassment.

I laugh sheepishly and wish I had drunken more before Grimmjow came because I probably would have had the sense to realize that he was joking (or maybe not because of that brain scrambling thing). I'm also a little tense when meeting new people because I want to make sure I give them a good first impression but it usually makes me come off like I have a stick up my ass, I'll admit.

"Where are her parents anyway?" Grimmjow asks referring to Rangiku as he looks around the living room. There are a couple fancy couches and a huge HD TV on the wall. There's a large spiral staircase leading to the upper floor of the house making it feel somewhat like a mansion, even though it's not quite at that level.

"With the money her parents earn, they're always on some kind of vacation,"As I explain, Grimmjow nods and takes another look around. I find myself studying his facial features more closely now that we're in the light and I see that he's actually really handsome. His jaw is strong and his… wait, what am I doing? Grimmjow glances back at me and I quickly look away.

"So where is everyone else?" He asks.

"Basement. C'mon, I'll introduce you to the others," I say and start walking down a hallway in the direction of the basement stairs, eager to be around more people so that it isn't just me and him. There's something about him that makes me feel… odd. Not in an entirely bad way, but I also don't know if it's good.

Aside from my uncharacteristic antics, I don't think our first encounter has been _too _awkward, honestly. I've been trying to treat Grimmjow like an acquaintance and not alienate him, and so far I think I'm doing okay. At the moment I think we're just trying to get a feel for each other, but I'm sure as the night goes on we'll become more comfortable.

Grimmjow follows close behind me as I lead him downstairs and I can smell the little bit of cologne that he's wearing. I kind of like the smell, actually, and normally I hate any type of body spray. I wonder what it is.

We enter into the basement where the surround sound stereo system bounces with the beat of some crazy dance music Rangiku bought on vacation somewhere in Europe - I forget where she told us. The room had her name written all over it since her parents had let her decorate it. The basement walls are a light pink and the carpet was white shag. There were various decorative pillows that were supposed to be on the futon and couch, but were now strewn about, and a bunch of quirky lamps with colored light bulbs that made the room glow with blue, yellow, purple and red. There's a portable plastic table packed with all kinds of alcohol in the far corner that could meet even the heaviest drinker's needs.

I gaze around the room and see that Chad, Uryu and this girl named Momo are congregating by the teal couch while Renji and Rukia are on the violet futon across from them. Rangiku and Gin are nowhere to be found and Yumi and Ikkaku are pouring drinks and talking by the drink table, so I decide to lead Grimmjow over to Renji and Rukia first.

"Hey guys," I wave and they both look up at me with drunken blushes. "This is Grimmjow, the guy I told you about that I met online. Grimmjow, the red head with lots of tattoos is Renji and that's his girlfriend, Rukia. They're really good friends of mine."

"Hey man, nice to meet ya. I gotta admit, when Ichigo told me he met you online I was a little worried, but you look all right," Renji says and gives Grimmjow a smile as he makes a fist to fist bump him in true Renji style.

"Ah, hi Renji. Nice to meet ya too, and thanks," Grimmjow confidently returns Renji's fist bump.

"Hi Grimmjow, it's nice to meet you, and by the way, I wear the pants in this relationship," Rukia lightly shakes Grimmjow's hand and then shoves Renji's shoulder rather roughly while giggling.

"Girls normally do," Grimmjow laughs along with her and Renji gives them both an insulted look. Just then a shadow appears behind me and I look to see who it is.

"Chad!" I greet my giant of a friend. I guess he decided to leave Momo and Uryu to say hi to us. "This is Grimmjow, the friend I told you about."

"Hello," Chad says simply and shakes the bluenette's hand. Chad is about a foot taller than Grimmjow with espresso brown hair that hides his eyes and dark skin, but that doesn't intimidate him at all.

"Hey man," Grimmjow casually greets Chad.

"Yyou twoo finally came in from outssside!" Rangiku exclaims as soon as she sees us. I guess her and Gin were getting more supplies from the kitchen or something because she hurdles down the basement stairs and Gin is left carrying more generic red plastic cups. Rangiku squeezes both Grimmjow and I in her arms, knocking our faces dangerously close to each other (but her tits thankfully save us). I feel myself blush a little and see that Grimmjow is nothing but amused. She then lets us go and plops on the couch next to Momo. Gin, still smiling, silently places the cups down on the big plastic table with all the alcohol on it and then sits with Rangiku.

"We should play a game," Momo suggests. She's a very kind spirit and has dark hair that she usually wears in a bun and big brown eyes that make her look like a little kid.

"Oh, what a funn idea! Let'sss playy 'Neverr Have I Everrr'," Rangiku claps excitedly.

Oh God, Never Have I Ever? For those of you who don't know this game (how could you not?): a person starts off a statement with 'Never have I ever…' and they say something like '… peeled a potato' and everyone who _has _peeled a potato before has to take a drink from their cup. Except normally when played as a drinking game, the statements can get pretty dirty if you know what I mean.

Everyone murmurs in agreement and we all take seats in a circle around the room. Renji, Rukia and Chad are on the futon. Yumichika and Ikkaku are to the left of them on the floor. Uryu, Momo, Rangiku and Gin are on the couch, and Grimmjow and I complete the circle on the floor, opposite side of Yumi and Ikkaku.

Now, I don't really like to play this game because I don't like to give people information that they could use against me in any way, so I try to come up with some excuse as to why I should be exempt from playing, but nothing comes to mind. Reluctantly, I sit on the carpet next to Grimmjow and that's when I notice that neither of us have drinks. Maybe they'll all start playing without us and we won't have to participate.

"Let me get you a drink, Ichi. What do you like?" Grimmjow asks me and stands up. _Fuck_.

"Er, I don't rea—" I start to make an excuse but then get cut off by Renji.

"ICHI? HAHA, is that your new nickname, _Ichiii_?" he practically busts a gut while laughing. Pretty soon everybody joins in, Rukia and Uryu getting by far the most enjoyment out of tormenting me. I can hear Grimmjow trying to get my attention over their fits of giggles, but I ignore him and bury my head in my knees. That is, until he kicks me in the back.

"Ack! What the hell was that for?" I glare up at him and gingerly massage my spine.

"I asked you what kind of drink you wanted," He says, apparently not going to take no for an answer. How can he act like nothing just happened? He just humiliated me in front of my friends like he's been doing it every day of his life! Of course, that probably gets him in _their _good books; but definitely not mine!

"I don't care; surprise me," I grumble, giving up my resistance. I watch him as he walks over to the table and starts pouring something, but I can't see what since my cup's in front of him and all I can see is his back.

"Uh, we need more ice," He informs the crowd, but no one volunteers to get up and get it.

"Nose goes!" Yumi yells and the whole room attempts to place a finger on their nose as fast as they can. Fortunately for me, I'm one of the first people to do it, and Ikkaku loses. If he had hair, it probably would have been bristling with anger. Yumi gives him a shove toward the basement door.

"Fine, I'll go," He mutters and pushes himself off the floor. As he passes by me to get to the stairs, he taps my shoulder, motions for me to follow him and places a finger over his lips telling me to be quiet. I look around to see if anyone has noticed, but most everyone is talking with one another and Grimmjow seems to be holding up two bottles of some liquor, trying to decide which one to add to my cup. Curiosity gnaws at my insides, so I stand up and follow Ikkaku upstairs and around the corner, into the kitchen.

"What's up?" I ask him and lean on the island in the middle of the tiled floor. The kitchen is gleaming white, with granite countertops and stainless steel appliances making it look and feel very modern. Ikkaku adjusts the collar of his button up black shirt with a print of a samurai on it before continuing.

"So, are you and Grimmjow, like… _into_ each other?" He asks me cautiously.

"Sure, I mean, he's cool, though he has a really annoying nickname for me," I answer. Why did Ikkaku have to drag me up here to ask that?

"When did this happen? What about Orihime?" His questions come more rapidly now and I'm growing more confused as to what he's getting at.

"When did what happen? What do you mean 'What about Orihime'? You're not making any sense, Ikkaku," I say and arch my eyebrow.

"You know… when did you become… _gay_?" He finishes in a near whisper and then it all makes sense now.

"WHAT? I'm not gay and Orihime is still my girlfriend!" I angrily correct him and his expression falls slightly. I feel sort of bad because I think Ikkaku has been searching for a "straighter" gay friend to relate with rather than only having Yumi, who is an ultra flamer, but I'm just not into Grimmjow like that! I have to ask, though. "What the hell makes you think we're more than just friends, anyway?"

"Dude, have you seen the way he's been looking at you? I don't know if anyone else has caught on, but Yumi and I noticed that he's been eyeing you like a big cat stalking its prey," he says matter-of-factly. "Not to mention, you kind of get this spaced out look on your face whenever you talk to him."

"I do not!" I quickly defend myself and chuck a random pen that was on the counter at his head. He easily dodges it though and it hits the refrigerator and falls to the ground.

"Whatever, man. Just help me carry these bags of ice downstairs," He says with a chuckle, opens the freezer and grabs a couple plastic bags full of ice. I can tell that he's not fully convinced, but I'm too lost in my thoughts to try to correct him any further. Do I really look that way when I speak to Grimmjow?

We both make our way to the basement, bags of ice in hand, where I find that literally _everybody_ is surrounding Grimmjow. Rangiku's other middle school friends – Shuuhei and Izuru – must have arrived while we were gone because they're there too. They all seem to be engrossed in animated conversation with him and laughing constantly. I smile at how well Grimmjow is getting on with everyone. Even _Uryu_ of all people is speaking to him, albeit much more calmly. Grimmjow looks like he's having much more fun than when he first arrived. I catch his eye and he flashes me and much livelier grin.

"Oi, Ichigo! Here's your drink!" He calls to me as I cross the room and reaches out a hand with a cup for me in it. I add some ice to it and take a sip and find that it's Captain and coke; one of my favorites. How'd he know? I see Yumi and Ikkaku whispering to each other in my peripheral vision, so I quickly break eye contact with Grimmjow and put my bag of ice in the cooler where Ikkaku put his.

"Okay, let's get this over with, then," I say and retake my seat on the carpet next to Grimmjow who is eyeing me closely. There's a faint sort of hunger in his eyes that, instead of making me uneasy, energizes me. I take another swig from my cup and look around expectantly. There's no way in hell I'm starting the game. Maybe they'll just forget about playing… I can only cling onto this last little bit of hope.

"Okay! I'll ssstart," Rangiku says and everyone quiets down. I guess I spoke too soon. "We'll sstart out innocccent: neverrr have I everr had a job. Rrrukia, you'rrre next!" It's true, Rangiku doesn't have to work because of her parents, but I don't think she would do much work even if she had a job. She's infamously lazy.

So does helping your dad out at his medical clinic count as having a job? Well, seeing as I don't get paid (damn cheap bastard); I'm going to say no and not take a drink this time around. I watch as Uryu, Shuuhei, Izuru, Gin, Ikkaku, Renji and Grimmjow all take all take gulps from their cups. So far, so good with the questions. I hope Rukia doesn't start the transition from innocent to dirty so early in the game.

"Hmmm, never have I everrr… swallowed," She slurs slightly and smiles slyly - we all know what she's talking about. Thankfully, I'm in the clear for this one but poor Renji turns just about as red as his hair as she says that. What's bad is Rukia just did what I hoped she wouldn't. This is going to turn even dirtier real quick if I know my friends.

This time a smaller amount of people take drinks: Rangiku who is giggling uncontrollably, Yumi who is a little pink in the cheeks, and Grimmjow who looks like he couldn't care less. It's funny how more guys take drinks that girls because I know most other guys would be weirded out by this, but I'm a pretty accepting person so I don't really judge what a person likes.

Rukia picks Ikkaku next and the game continues on from there. I start having to take drinks more often and we all get past three cups and some of us are past five. Surprisingly, though, no one has called on me to say anything. This could probably be the luckiest game of Never Have I Ever that I've ever played. Everyone is at least tipsy, or even drunk; hell, I'm already there myself. However, I get the feeling that people are starting to lose interest in playing, so maybe if I suggested another activity, we could move on…

"Okay Ichigo, it's your turn," Uryu picks me while pushing up his glasses like he's oh so clever. He _knows _I hate this game, and now I have to say something. My brain processes are becoming slower and foggier and I really don't know what to say since everyone else has already brought up most of what I think of. Except for maybe masturbation or something, but I don't want to open that can of worms.

"Uhhhh…" I say and put my fingers on my temples trying to concentrate. "Never have I ever… had sex?" As soon as the sentence leaves my lips, I wish I could toss myself off a bridge. I should have just went with masturbation. Really Ichigo? _Really_? Damn alcohol word vomit. I can barely stand to open my eyes and watch everybody awkwardly taking sips from their cups. Even Grimmjow is trying to pretend to be distracted by something across the room. The only people who don't take a drink are Uryu and Momo, and that doesn't offer much comfort.

I don't mean to make it sound like being a virgin is a bad thing, because I fully believe in waiting for the right person to share that experience with, but I really didn't want to let my whole group of friends – and an almost complete stranger – know this information. It's not like I haven't tried, I am a teenage guy, ya know. It's just that Orihime makes it awkward by changing the subject or quickly leaping up to do something else, so I just gave up on trying altogether.

"Well, I'm borrred, guys, let'sss go sswimming," Rangiku comes to my rescue and winks at me. I give her a grateful look, but return to burying my face in my hands. I'll never play that damn game again, I swear it.

In a drunken uproar everyone agrees to go swimming and starts to file up the stairs as best as they can. Rangiku has a pool out back complete with a hot tub and an assortment of rafts and other pool toys. You can see why we like to party here.

I set aside my earlier embarrassment and try to stand up but nearly fall back flat on my ass. Grimmjow grabs my arm to steady me, though he isn't much better off than I am.

"Thanks," I say and regain my balance.

"Hah, yer welcome, ya frickin' lightweight," He replies while laughing. I have a feeling that this is how our relationship is going to be: a whole bunch of lighthearted teasing, mostly directed at me. Just like most of the friendships that I have. Though, it's not like I don't deserve any of it; I deal out my fair share of teasing comments.

"Fuck you," I joke with him and start climbing the basement stairs. Everyone else is already up and out back, probably.

"Anytime, anywhere," Grimmjow responds in a kidding tone.

I think.

We reach the first floor and cross through the kitchen, out the sliding glass door and find everyone in or around the pool. Chad, Renji, Shuuhei, Izuru and Rukia are all warring with different colored pool noodles in the water. Rangiku and Momo are sitting on the edge with their feet in the water, routing for their favorite people (Momo for Renji and Rangiku for Shuuhei). Gin is in the pool and floating near Rangiku, apparently relaxing, and Uryu has pulled up a patio chair next to them.

The pool itself is peanut shaped, with stones that make up the patio around it. It's like fifteen feet deep with a diving board at the deep end, and gets about as shallow as three feet. There are tiki torches around the perimeter that are strung together by tacky bulb lights of different colors. Everyone looks to be having an awesome time in the pool (except Uryu who is still fully clothed, but still having a good time nevertheless), and I would be too, but that's just it – no one brought swim suits; they're all in their underwear. Crap. I really don't want to get my clothes wet. Before you say it, I'm not a prude and I really like swimming, but I don't want to have to wait for my boxers to dry all night. Isn't that understandable?

"I think I'm gonna sit out," I turn to look at Grimmjow and see that he's already pulling his shirt off. I find myself staring at his chest and stomach muscles, which are so… supple. He has broad shoulders and his chest narrows lithely into his waste, reminding me of some kind of model that you see in those stores at the mall; the ones with the black and white pictures. The only imperfection on his abdomen is a large scar that runs diagonally from his left shoulder to his right hip. I wonder how he got that.

"Hey, yer mouth is open," Grimmjow turns to me and bumps my chin with his hand, closing my mouth for me. I didn't even notice. Maybe Ikkaku was right… I shake my head and tell myself that that conversation never happened. "And what d'ya mean yer not getting in?" He adds with a frown, genuinely disappointed.

"I just don't wanna get my clothes wet," I say and try not to watch as the bluenette takes off his jeans and socks. He's wearing olive colored boxers… crap, I looked.

"So just get naked," he suggests like it's totally normal to strip in front of crowds of people. I'm not drunk enough for that.

"What? No way!" I say and look at him like he's just sprouted a third eye. "Are you crazy?"

"Don't make me force ya." He threatens a little too seriously.

"What? To get naked?" I ask and start to back away from the now maniacal looking Grimmjow. He's going to rip off all my clothes in front of my friends? This is what I get for talking to strangers on the internet.

"No, stupid, I'm gonna throw ya in the pool," And with that he lunges toward me with cat-like agility. Before I can start running, he's got my legs and I'm slung over his shoulder like a dead animal.

"Grimmjow! Put me down god damn it!" I start screaming and flailing as hard as I can.

"What do you guys think? Should I let Ichi go?" Grimmjow asks the crowd in the pool. As if their opinions matter. I get the feeling he's going to do it anyway.

"SINK HIM!" Renji bellows in response, one hand cupped his mouth and the other punched the air as the rest of my friends cheer, angry mob mentality taking over.

I make one last desperate attempt to squirm my way out of Grimmjow's grasp, but he's got me too tightly. He walks to the edge of the pool and I decide that if I'm going down, I'm taking him with me. He prepares to toss me overboard by hefting my into his arms and swinging me back and forth so that he may let go once I go forward again. I'm amazed at the ease in which he lifts me; Grimmjow is definitely strong. As he releases me, with lightning reflexes I grab his wrists my momentum causing him to lose his balance and he falls head first into the pool after me.

"Fuuuu—" is the last thing I hear out of him as we both plunge past the surface of the water.

I do a bit of a victory dance in my head as I attempt to swim up again. It's actually very hard since I'm still fully clothed, even though I'm a strong swimmer. I manage to make it up, though, and hear Grimmjow sputtering not too far off.

"Sneaky lil' fucker ain't ya." He says although he's grinning happily.

"Serves ya right, asshole. Now my clothes're all wet," I reply and frown; I'm upset about having no clothes. I start swimming toward the shallower end of the pool since treading water with all this extra weight is difficult. I decide that since I'm already soaked and in the pool, I'll just take the rest of my clothes off (not my boxers, you perverts). So I wiggle out of my shirt and jeans and toss them "accidentally" toward Uryu and they land directly on his perfectly tailored clothes. He leaps up, glares at me in a fluster, and everyone laughs.

Grimmjow and I join in the noodle war and after that we decide to make a whirlpool by swimming along the edges of the pool in the same direction. It seems like a plausible idea at first thanks to the alcohol in our systems, but it's rather hard to accomplish when your pool is peanut shaped. Besides, no one is really swimming fast enough for this to happen. We all continue rough housing, and in all the commotion, someone accidentally splashes water toward where Rangiku and the rest of them are sitting.

"MY HAIR!" Rangiku shrieks but before she or anyone else can do anything, her little brother, Toshiro, opens the sliding glass door from the kitchen. He's rather short for being 16, with spiky white hair and bold teal eyes. He seems to wear a permanent scowl on his face; kinda like me. Momo blushes profusely at his appearance and looks down at her toes.

"Hey, the next door neighbors were just here. They complained about all the noise you idiots are making. So go back inside, before _I _call the cops on all of you," He informs us before disappearing back upstairs I presume.

Groaning, everyone climbs out of the pool and starts heading back inside.

"Fine with me, I wanted more tequila anyway," Shuuhei mutters and a few people nod in agreement. I lift myself out of the pool, grab my wet clothes, and walk toward the kitchen. Rangiku is holding her head, whimpering, an Gin is trying to comfort her in front of me ("It's okay, I'll get your hair dryer, don't cry"). Grimmjow falls into step next to me and we're the last two back inside. I shut the door and Gin turns around to tell us something.

"Hey, d'you guys think ya could bring towels down for everybody? You know where they are, right, Kurosaki?" He says.

"Sure," I reply and lead Grimmjow to the top floor and to the cabinet in the upstairs hallway. I know my way pretty well around Rangiku's house since Orihime and I spend a lot of time here.

"Nice boxers. Couldn't really see 'em in the pool," Grimmjow teases me referring to my slightly pink underwear. My dad threw a red shirt in our washing machine with my load of whites, it's not my fault! He did it on purpose!

"Just hold my clothes," I grumble and shove my dripping attire into his arms. Even though I had a blast swimming, I still haven't forgiven Grimmjow for tossing me into the pool. His face falls a little.

"Hey, I'm sorry about yer clothes," He apologizes and for some reason, I can't stay mad now.

"Eh, it's okay, man. The pool was fun, anyway," I give him a small smile and he grins back. I take as many towels as I can hold in my arms and nearly break my neck coming down the stairs because I can't see. Grimmjow then walks in front of me, directing me down into the basement where I throw all the towels up in the air like confetti and the crowd all grabs one. Grimmjow hangs my clothes over the back of a chair in a corner to dry and Rangiku has fixed her hair. Everyone has already gotten more drinks so I get another for me and so does Grimmjow.

We all talk and drink and play games like Apples to Apples (much better than Never Have I Ever, might I add) until we're all just too smashed to even want to read anymore. Still, no one is near tired enough to sleep and no one has yet to put any clothes back on either. Not that it matters anymore since we're all quite familiar with each other now, I guess.

As everyone, including myself, lays in a drunken stupor on the shag, laughing at any and every ridiculous thing, I realize that no one ever turned the music back on once we came back inside from swimming. I feel like the room is missing certain energy so I decide to put something on. You know when you're drunk, you just kind of make random decisions and follow through no matter what. I body crawl over to the stereo and hit the power button. The voice of an unknown singer comes on, setting the mood. _"… I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright…"_

"JUST DANCE!" Rukia suddenly jumps up from the couch and begins flailing around in what I _think _is supposed to be some sort of dance routine.

"YESSSS!" Rangiku exclaims and scrambles to turn off all the overhead lights, leaving only the multicolored lamps on. She turns the volume even louder on the stereo, giving the basement a very club-like feel to it. In the next few minutes everyone is up dancing in a group except Chad, Izuru and Uryu, but they're at least nodding their heads to the beat. From my spot on the floor, I watch Grimmjow just go with the flow and start dancing with everyone else. My legs feel like jell-o so I debate in my head if it's a good idea to get up or not. Or maybe I don't debate because my brain also feels like jell-o.

"Come danncccce," Grimmjow says as he appears at my side.

"Ehhhhh…" Is all I can manage to get out. So. Drunk.

Suddenly I feel myself being picked up for the second time tonight, though my feet stay on the floor this time. Grimmjow just doesn't take no for an answer, and takes me to my friends, well, our friends now, I guess. Out of nowhere, I feel so excited and energetic. I can't think and I honestly don't even want to. The music and the darkness move my body for me. I close my eyes and move to the rhythm of the undulating beat. I feel like my inhibitions and walls are all crumbling down, and I'm okay with that. I'm rubbing against nearly naked boys and girls and everything's alright, just like the song said.

Out of the darkness, someone puts their hands on my waist. I open my eyes to see who it is and I find that it's Grimmjow. Ikkaku's words ring through my head again, and somewhere inside me, I know they're the truth. The Ichigo that would have resisted this situation is silent for the moment and I close the last bit of distance between our bare chests. His skin is so warm and surprisingly soft, even with his scar. Our sweat makes us slide on each other and I run my fingers through his hair. He leans his head down near my neck and gives me a sort of nip of approval. In this moment, I feel… right for once. Thoughts of Orihime surface, but they aren't telling me that I have a girlfriend or anything, or that I'm supposed to be straight, they're saying that Grimmjow feels right and Hime feels… wrong.

In the next second, I decide that Rukia should be forever referred to "Rukia Kuchiki: Moment Killer" for she jumps onto Renji and they fall into my back while making out. This causes me to also stumble and push Grimmjow down flat on his back. I end up landing on top of him and nearly everyone else ends up on the floor as well, groaning. I look down and I'm staring straight into Grimmjow's violently sapphire eyes. He gazes into mine and for some reason I get strange mutant butterflies in my stomach.

"Sssorry," I slur and attempt to roll off him, but he prevents that by holding onto me and gently placing one of his hands on the back of my head.

"Don't," He whispers before he presses his lips against mine. At first it's just him kissing me, but something in my head silently prods me to return the kiss. His lips are gentle at first, but then he gets a little rougher. I move my hand so that I'm holding one side of his face and bite his bottom lip. I feel a sort of hunger rise up inside me that makes me feel like I've just woken up from some hibernation or deep sleep. _'This is crazy.'_ A voice in the back of my mind finally says, but then another, much louder, voice says, _'Who cares? I like this.' _My head is spinning and I wonder if Grimmjow has the same electric feeling coursing through his veins.

I don't know how many people saw us, or better, how many people _didn't _see us, all I know is I'm sure gonna have a shit ton to deal with in the morning, Rukia may actually be a "Moment _Maker_", and that this has been one of the best nights of my life.


	5. Hurt

_Hey guys! As some of you probably guessed, this chapter (and maybe the next) is going to be a little angsty (maybe a lot). BUT DON'T WORRY! It's all gonna be okay in the end – trust me. :D_

_Love and thanks to Zev and to everybody who reads my story! You are my inspiration to keep moving forward!_

_-Kimba_

Strawberry Catnip

"Hurt"

_(Grimmjow)_

My eyes snap open and I'm drenched in a cold sweat. My breathing is a little ragged and my heart is pounding rapidly against my chest. Everything is a rush of clarity from all of the adrenaline pumping through my system. I imagine if I looked at myself in a mirror right now, I'd look like I'd just seen a ghost. I just had the worst dream I've had in probably all my life, and I've had some pretty bad dreams. I remember every detail of it like it'd been real life.

It started off with just me, wandering through a desert bathed in pale moonlight. I didn't know how I got there and I had no idea how I was going to get out. However, it wasn't hot, rather it was kind of cold since it was nighttime. The whole world seemed to be at a standstill, and nothing seemed to be living at all besides me. I saw no nightlife or plant life of any kind, but there were these strange pillars everywhere that varied in size from humongous to fucking colossal, to be blunt.

I'd been walking along for what seemed like hours without knowing in which direction I was going or anything. I was about to give up and sit for a while, when I saw a large dust cloud a little off in the distance. I didn't think mirages can happen at night, though I don't know the exact science of them, so I picked up my pace to hopefully find someone who could help me. The cloud was closer than I originally thought because it didn't take long at all to reach it. What I found, though, was nothing I'd expected at all.

I almost wish it could have been a mirage.

My gaze rested on two figures, one of which I recognized, and the other I didn't. One was Ulquiorra. He looked so strange, though. Like a monster. He had ivory horns coming out from his head and his eyes were solid green with glowing gold irises. Black streaks ran down his face, making it look like he'd been crying ink or something. He had huge, dark leathery wings protruding from his shoulder blades and his bottom half was covered in midnight black fur. He had claws that looked like they could rip though anything they touched like butter.

The other… thing… had the body of a man, which I vaguely recognized now that I think about it, but his head was that of a skull with blood red stripes and huge bull-like horns coming out of it. He had long, flowing orange hair which made me think instantly of Ichigo. Was it him? He was bare-chested with ripped black fabric covering his lower half. He was making monstrous howling noises that sent chills up and down my spine and made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

They both seemed to be locked in a battle of epic proportions, and everything within me told me to end it. I began running in the direction of the two, and I noticed that I was now wearing different clothing. I had a sort of vest on with these weird pants and on my hip was a sheathed sword. Mechanically, almost as if I'd done this before, I drew my weapon and uttered its name. What was it? Panther? Pantera? Yeah, that's the one. Once called upon, it began glowing blue, but I wasn't afraid. This was totally normal.

Then the sword disappeared and I changed forms again. Now my hands and feet were black and clawed and my body seemed more cat-like (complete with a tail) and agile. I felt faster and stronger; I wasn't going to let this end badly. My hair whipped around me like a mane of azure fire and I let out a mighty roar, attracting Ulquiorra's attention, but not the monster that was Ichigo.

Ulquiorra and I locked eyes and I could tell that he was losing. He needed my help. As our attention was on each other, I don't know how we could have missed this, but the Ichigo monster charged a sort of crimson ball of energy between his horns and was seconds away from firing it off at Ulquiorra. I tried to cry out, to warn him of what was about to come, but my voice failed. I don't know why. Ichigo shot off the fatal crimson light.

The next thing I know, I'm standing in front of Ulquiorra who is disintegrating into dust which is floating off into the wind. His hand is outstretched toward me and he mutters something, but I can't make it out. I was centimeters away from his fingertips with my own but then the rest of his body turned to ash, and Ulquiorra was no more.

Enraged, I turned toward the Ichigo monster readying to counterattack, but he was motionless. I couldn't tell if he was watching me or looking through me. His eye sockets were bottomless pits of darkness. I lunged toward him putting every ounce of my fury into an attack and yet he remained still as a statue. Suddenly, his skull-like mask shattered, and my anger is drained away. I stopped short a few strides away from him. The horns fell and Ichigo's face was revealed. His eyes were the same yellow that Ulquiorra's were, but his expression was pained, and my heart went out to him.

He hadn't meant to do this. This isn't what he wanted.

Then Ichigo's knees buckled and he's falling toward the ground. All of the speed and strength that I once had was gone and I tried to catch him, but I couldn't run anymore. Everything was spinning out of my control. I was overwhelmed. Why couldn't I succeed? What did I do wrong?

That's when I awoke. I keep telling myself it was all just a dream and it doesn't mean anything, but it felt so real. All of those emotions were real.

I sit up slowly, careful not to disturb the sleeping body of Ichigo next to me. My heart isn't about to explode anymore and I've calmed down a great deal. I have no idea what time it is, given we're in a windowless basement, but judging by the fact that no one is down here anymore, I'd assume it's pretty late in the day. I spy on the wall a clock and its pink heart-shaped hands tell me it's almost three in the afternoon. Damn, it _was _late. I glance around the room, trying to jog my memory and also to distract myself from thinking about my nightmare. What could it have meant?

My clothes are lying in a pile next to me and on top of them is a note.

'_Whenever you two sleepy-heads wake up, there's food in the kitchen._

_-Rangiku'_

I like Rangiku. She's funny and knows how to have a good time and I'll admit, the thought of food interests me a fucking lot and my stomach rumbles in agreement. Glancing over the rest of the room, I see red plastic cups lying everywhere. I guess nobody bothered to clean up yet. The futon was intact, but the couch had been flipped over to make a sort of fort and I remember that Shuuhei and Renji were trying to grab people's ankles from underneath it whenever they walked by. Those kids were pretty funny. Renji's girlfriend Rukia was a little bit of a tomboy, but she isn't unattractive and does have a sort of elegance about her. I thought she was fun too. Basically, the only people I didn't feel like I could get along with well was that Uryu kid, Izuru and that Gin guy was kinda creepy. Other than that, everybody was nice.

Oh and those other gay boys, Yumi and… Ikkaku, was it? Yeah they were checking me out the whole time, I know it. They're partially why I came on to Ichigo so strong in the first place. I was letting them know I wasn't interested… but also because I think Ichi is fucking hot.

I mean, his perma-pout is just too adorable to resist, and whenever I can make him smile, I smile too. And physically, I like boys a little smaller than me, but Ichigo is also really firm and I get so fucking turned on every time I think about our kiss and our bodies pressed together. It was like someone lit a fire in my dick and it spread everywhere else.

There are just a couple teensy-weensy problems with this, though. Ichigo is straight _and _he has a girlfriend. So why did he return my kiss and even take it a step further by biting my lip and touching my face? God that drove me wild… but back to the point. Was it just the alcohol that spurred us both on? No, I _know _I'm attracted to Ichigo like that, but was he really thinking clearly? Not to mention Ulquiorra broke up with me _yesterday_, so am I really over him? The obvious answer is no if my nightmare was any indication… so does that mean I'm just looking for a rebound?

I steal a glance at Ichigo as if he would have some answer for me, but he's still sleeping contentedly next to me with a sombrero on. I have to stifle my laughter so I don't wake him up and I remember Rangiku putting it on his head to cover us up as we lay on the floor making out. He kept it on the rest of the night because he thought it was funny. What is this, the Mexican version of Brokeback Mountain?

I guess I woke him up anyway because Ichigo begins to stir. He lifts an arm and feels the sombrero and moves it aside. He opens his eyes, spots me, and moves his leg and lightly kicks mine.

"Stop moving, idiot. You woke me up," He grumbles but I know he's not really mad.

"Hola señor," I tease back.

"Shut up, my sombrero was awesome," He says and chuckles. He sits up next to me and draws the blanket we shared farther up his waste. Damn it, I was having fun observing. "Uh, so, what happened last night?"

"What d'ya mean?" I ask, a little pit of anxiety forming in my stomach. Does he not remember us kissing? Or does he think we had sex or something?

"I don't remember anything after the pool," He says and rubs his head. "God, I hate hangovers."

Oh, so I guess that means he doesn't remember us making out… and for the record, no we didn't have sex. Even _I _have more sense than to seduce someone I just met, who has a girlfriend and isn't even gay (supposedly), in front of all his friends after meeting them for the first time. Maybe if we had been alone… no, Grimmjow, pay attention to the conversation! Ugh, but this is a big fucking problem. Do I tell him? What will he do now that he's sober enough to think about what he's doing? Will he be mad at me? I honestly don't think I could handle Ichigo yelling at me after yesterday's events – Ulquiorra included. I didn't realize how emotionally upset I was until now, and that's awfully strange for me because I normally can roll with the punches. I pause for a second.

No, I don't have the heart to tell him. God damn it, Grimmjow.

"Nothin'," I lie. "We just ended up here, I guess. I don't really remember the end of the night."

"Oh," He replies simply and looks around. "Where's everybody else? Woah! It's already three? Shit!" I laugh at his surprised expression. Something about this kid just makes me happy.

"I think they either left or they're upstairs," I answer. "Rangiku left a note saying there was food in the kitchen. It might help your head." Ichigo groans in agreement and we both begin to stand up. I guess I'll put my clothes on since I don't think walking around almost naked is appropriate anymore. I don't mind walking around half naked, but I'm not sure how everyone else will feel. Speaking of everyone else… maybe I should just leave. They might be angry with me about last night, I mean, I did make out with their friend who is in a relationship.

I watch as Ichigo feels his probably still damp jeans and I slip into mine. He gives them a look like 'Eh, dry enough,' and pulls them on. He also puts on his now wrinkled purple shirt that says 'Nice Vibe' next to a yellow star. It really stands out against his hair. He glances over to see if I'm ready.

"All good?" He asks, eyeing me strangely like I remember him doing all night. I think it's a good kind of strange, though.

"Yep," I say and grin. Ichigo smirks a little and leads the way upstairs. I try my best not to stare at his ass… and fail miserably.

Ichigo leads me to the kitchen and we find Rangiku, Gin and Momo all in some baggy pajamas and looking rather disheveled. They look up from their conversation as we enter. Rangiku winks at me, which I find surprising. She seemed really close to Ichigo so I thought for sure she would've been angry with me. Gin merely smiles at us like he knows something we don't, but Momo gives me the reaction I expected. She looks at me with a sort of glare of disapproval.

Ichigo plops down at the table where they're sitting and cradles his head in his hands. There aren't any more chairs for me, which also serves as a deciding factor in my placement. Besides, Momo's stare unnerves me, somehow. I don't want to be here.

"You guys finally woke up," Rangiku greets us cheerfully. "Renji and Rukia went to get us some lunch, and everyone else is already gone. Are you guys staying for a bit?"

"Yeah, I will," Ichigo answers, but I'm not so sure.

"I think I'm gonna go. I had a lot of stuff to do today," I reply and Rangiku looks a little disappointed. "I'm sorry, I wish I could stay." For some reason I'm starting to feel like an elephant trapped in a too small cage.

"Well, okay," She says and starts to get up. "Let me walk you out."

"Nah, it's okay, I'll do it," Ichigo offers and Rangiku sits back down. He rises and we both head toward the front door. Once there, I make sure I have my phone, which is still in my pocket, and my wallet, which is in another pocket. I slip my shoes on and turn to say my goodbyes, but Ichigo cuts me off.

"There somethin' wrong?" He asks and looks up at me with his stern brown eyes. I could get lost in those things.

"Nah, I'm just kinda bummed from yesterday. Y'know, the whole boyfriend thing," Why do I keep lying to him?

"Oh, well, if you need to talk, I'm here," He comforts me and I smile a little. This kid is pretty cool. I'm glad we met.

"Thanks, see ya, and tell Rangiku I said thanks for letting me stay," I say and open the door and step out into the late September air. It's kind of chilly out today. Ichigo waves goodbye and watches me descend the porch steps before closing the door. I briskly walk to the bus stop, relieved to be away from the others. It's not that I don't like them, I guess I just wasn't ready to have a sexual encounter like I did last night, and thoughts of my nightmare are still haunting me. It's like my feelings for Ulquorra and Ichigo are warring against each other. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control just like I was in the dream, and I don't know how to stop it.

.x.x.x.

_(Ichigo)_

Maybe if my skull didn't feel like it was being beaten repeatedly with a metal bat, I would have been a little more sociable with my friends beyond sitting at the kitchen table cradling my head. I kind of wish Grimmjow would have stayed longer, but he seemed in a hurry to get out of here. I wonder if something happened or maybe I'm just being paranoid. I'm frustrated because I can't remember the last part of the night, but I feel like if I talk, I'll start bleeding from the ears. Rangiku gave me some migraine medicine, and her, Gin and Momo went into the living room to watch some TV. Gin's grin got even wider that it was earlier (if that's even possible) and Momo seemed to be in a bad mood, which is unlike her. Once again paranoid thoughts enter my mind telling me something happened that I don't know about or don't remember.

The sounds of the front door opening and people entering overcome the noises from that one cartoon show about a sponge and a sea star or something and it would appear that Renji and Rukia have returned. The smell of fast food tantalizes my nostrils, but I can't bring myself to get up and see if they brought me something. Luckily for me, Renji enters the kitchen with two bags and takes a seat next to me.

"Hey, this is for you," He says and puts one of the bags down in front of me.

"Thanks," I say and open the packaging of a nice, greasy cheeseburger. Fuck. Yes. I start eating ravenously. Strangely, though, Renji is only picking at his fries and glancing at me every two seconds. Is something wrong? "What's up?"

"Uh, you know you can tell me anything, right? Like, I wouldn't judge you or hate you, even if it's something big," He blurts out, but in a hushed voice. He cuts straight to the chase, doesn't he? I feel like a heavy weight was just dropped into my stomach.

"Huh?" Is the only thing I can reply with. I honestly don't know where Renji is going with this, but he's only giving my paranoia a reason to exist.

"Like, well… do you even know what I'm talkin' about?" He changes the subject suddenly. I don't think he's getting annoyed, but I'm obviously not on the same level as him.

"No…" I trail off and put my cheeseburger down. I feel a little nauseous.

"You and Grimmjow, well, you…" He pauses as if he doesn't want to say it, but now my curiosity is overriding my headache and I frantically try to remember what happened last night.

"What? Me and Grimmjow what?" I beg him to tell me. What the hell is going on here?

"Well, he kissed you. Or you kissed him. I don't know, it just happened. Everybody saw, but we were all so drunk, I didn't even know what to think about it. Ichigo…you know you can tell me if you're gay, or bisexual, right? I don't care." His words come out in a worried vomit and I actually think I might do just that.

"We… kissed…?" I mutter and my mouth feels very dry. Piece by piece, the night slowly starts to come back to me. I remember falling onto Grimmjow. I remember he kissed me first… but then I returned that kiss. I bit his lip. I ran my fingers through his hair and he bit and kissed my neck. I remember making out with him for at least a few minutes. What's worse is I remember _liking _it.

"Are you okay?" Renji asks, probably concerned by the look on my face.

What the fuck do you think? "I… don't know," I put my head in my hands. So did Grimmjow lie to me about what happened or did he really not remember either? Another thought occurs to me just then. "Does Hime know? Has anyone talked to her?"

"Er, I dunno dude. I wasn't gonna say anything… but someone might," Renji says, sticking with me like a true "bro".

"Okay, good. I'll tell her. It'd be best if she found out from me. Who would tell her?" I ask; the last part of Renji's sentence just registered with me. Truthfully, I don't even know if I'll tell Orihime, but if she does find out, it can't be from anybody else. I don't know if she'd know how to handle it. I don't know if she could even if _was_ me who told her.

"_Someone_…" He repeats the word with emphasis and motions toward the living room. Rukia? No, she wouldn't… oh. I know who would – Momo. Not that it sat well with her in the first place, but ever since her previous boyfriend, Aizen, cheated on her she probably can't stand Grimmjow or me now. I nod and let Renji know I know who he's talking about now.

"What should I do?" I ask more to myself than to Renji. I don't know what to think or feel. I know I feel bad for doing this to Orihime, but I also know… that I liked what happened between me and Grimmjow. It's weird admitting it, even if it's just to myself. I feel lost, though. I need answers. I need to talk to Grimmjow about this. Why the hell didn't he say anything about it when I asked him what happened? Was he afraid or something?

"I dunno, dude… did you talk to Grimmjow about it?" Renji says and pats me on the back.

"No… but I think I will," I say and stand up suddenly. I'm not even hungry anymore and I ignore the pounding in my head. I've made up my mind to talk to Grimmjow about this, but I don't want to do it here. I flip open my phone which I left in my pants pocket and text him asking about last night and our kiss and why he didn't say anything about it this morning. I may have been a little harsh with my words, but I'm annoyed, damn it. I don't like being lied to.

"Where ya goin'?" Renji gets up with me and follows me as I briskly walk toward the door. I enter the living room and all eyes are on me except Momo's who is looking down at the carpet.

"I gotta go guys. Thanks Rangiku, it was fun, and I'll call you later or something, Renji," I say and rush out the door before anyone can ask questions or stop me. I don't like leaving so suddenly, but if I don't just go for this, who knows when or if I'll work up the courage again.

I really wish my clothes weren't still damp because I start to shiver almost immediately in the cool air. I'm halfway down Rangiku's street when I feel my phone vibrate with a text from who I hope to be Grimmjow. I open my phone and am relieved that it is.

'_Too long of a conversation to text about. Call?'_

_That's_ his response? I'm having a crisis and he wants me to _call_ him? Well, actually, I guess that would be better than texting, but I decide that this should be a face-to-face conversation, now that I think about it. That way it's more personal, and I can see his expressions. I hate talking on the phone or texting for that reason. I react to people based on how they are acting. I can't tell that through texts or phone conversations. I decide to just go for it.

'_No, I'm coming over. Where do you live?'_

I'm going to cut this issue off at its head and just go to where Grimmjow lives. I can't exist with these torturous thoughts about my feelings toward Orihime… and more importantly my feelings toward Grimmjow. There's a small voice deep within me trying to push its way through but my thoughts are so mixed up that I can't hear what it's saying. I just know that if I go talk to Grimmjow, I'll find _some_ sort of answer.

I'm nearly at a bus stop when I receive another text from him and he gives me directions from Rangiku's house. He goes to Las Noches University, eh? I know where that is; it's right downtown. I tell him I'll be there in a little bit and anxiously wait for the bus. At the end of the day, I'll have come to some conclusion about this situation; I just don't know what it is yet.

.x.x.x.

_(Grimmjow)_

Could today get any fucking worse? I went from having an amazing night to one of the shittiest days in the history of shitty days. It was that fucking nightmare; I swear it just threw me off. I just got back from Rangiku's when I got a text from Ichigo about the previous night. Apparently he either remembered our adventures, or someone told him. I'm willing to bet someone clued him in. Now I'm pacing my utterly _empty _and depressing dorm room waiting for Ichigo to get here so I can go outside and meet him, because he wants to talk to my face. I mean, I guess I understand that, but did it have to be right now?

I thought about my dream all the way home. I've discerned that it could probably mean there's some sort of inner turmoil inside myself (though that was a huge fucking no-brainer) and that I'm trying to get over Ulquiorra. But how do you get over someone you were with for so long? Someone who used to make you so happy? Who used to be there for you? Who just abandoned you?

And what should I think about Ichigo? Do I really like him or am I just looking for someone to comfort me? There's no doubt that there's a physical connection between us, or at least for me, but are we really compatible? Do I really want to do move on so quickly? But do I really want to dwell on Ulquiorra for so long when he could up and leave me without a moment's notice?

I lie face down on my bead and yell my frustration into my pillow. Why is life so hard, so confusing? What the fuck did I do to deserve this? I just want to get rid of all my feelings; just completely gut out my heart for a while until the pain goes away. I feel tears coming on but I refuse to let myself cry. I never cry.

I hear my phone vibrate on my desk and that's the only thing that probably saves me from shedding tears. I roll out of my bed, walk to the desk and open it up and see that I have a text from Ichigo telling me he's followed my directions to my dorm building, and that I should come down. I reply with a simple 'okay' and take a deep breath. '_Pull yourself together, Grimmjow. Things will get better_,' I tell myself and wipe any excess moisture from around my eyes. I leave the dorm and take the elevator down. We got a new security guard and she looks a lot more competent than the last one at least. She nods at me as I walk passed and I give her a little wave.

I walk out the front of the building and there's Ichigo waiting for me. My heart skips a beat – will I always have this reaction when I see him? I think I still look a little upset because he immediately has a concerned expression on his face. He walks over to me and we stop about a foot away from each other.

"Were you crying?" He asks me rather bluntly.

"No, I just walked through a spider web," I lie to him yet again and rub my eyes once more. Do I really look that bad? I notice that Ichigo is shivering slightly and I feel worse. His clothes are probably still damp and it's kinda cold out. I should offer to let him in. "Wanna go inside? Ya look like yer about to freeze."

He nods and I turn on my heel and lead him inside. The guard gives me a questioning look and I tell her that Ichigo's a friend and he won't be here long. We find ourselves in the elevator going up to the fourth floor where my room is, awkward silence permeating everything around us.

"You didn't have to lie to me." He states to break the silence and gives me a cautious look. I know exactly what he's talking about. I can't tell if he's angry or not and that's really bothering me, but I guess the jig is up and I decide not to try to lie anymore.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm not in my right mind right now. I never meant to make ya cheat on yer girlfriend or anything," I confess and apologize to him. I hate this.

Ichigo remains silent and stares at the elevator floor. The doors open and a bell dings, signaling we've reached the fourth level. I lead the way out and down the hallway to my room. I unlock the door with my school key card and let Ichigo in. He stands in the middle of the room, looking at my side and then glancing at what used to be Ulquiorra's side. He lets out a sigh and turns around toward me. I haven't moved from the door after I closed it. I just don't know where to go.

"Are you okay?" He asks, still concerned. Why isn't he yelling? Isn't that what I deserve?

"I'll be fine," I try to brush my feelings aside, but I'm not doing so well. I end up acting cold and like a stiff. I don't want to be an asshole, but damn it I don't feel right.

"Ya know, about last night…" Ichigo starts but then I cut him off. I just can't take what I think he's about to say.

"Look, I said I was sorry. I think we both had a little too much to drink. I'm not even sure if I meant it. My boyfriend just broke up with me and I may just be looking for a rebound. I'm sorry Ichigo, I just don't know," I blurt out in frenzy. Ichigo looks a little annoyed that I interrupted him, but also hurt.

"Well, good for you, but that's now what I was going to say," He begins rather angrily, but continues a little less harsh. "What I was _gonna_ say is that I've been thinking a lot about what I remember and I _know _that even though I have a girlfriend, that I was _happy _when I was with you. I'm not sure about my sexuality… it's really something I don't know what to think about right now. I just don't know what the hell to do; about my girlfriend, about you, about anything. Do I tell her?" He finishes in almost desperation, that last question quieter than normal.

I don't know what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn't this. Some warmth returns to my blood, though, and there's a faint light of hope ignited in my heart. Ichigo was… happy with me? I don't know how to help with Ichigo's girlfriend, though. I just know he shouldn't beat around the bush with her. She's going to find out somehow; too many people saw us for her not to. I don't know what she's like, but nothing good can come from keeping secrets. Yeah, I guess I'm sort of a hypocrite seeing as I lied to Ichigo earlier about what happened.

"You tell her and stay with her, or you tell her and break up with her. If she hears about this from somebody other than you? You're going to be in even deeper shit. And that's not going to help calm yer nerves." I say, trying to offer advice, but not give him the easy option out. He nods and furrows his eyebrows.

"Yeah," He sighs exasperatedly, looking rather dejected. "I guess I knew that already… I don't know if I want to be with her anymore, but what would I do if I wasn't with anyone?"

Then it hits me. I have one of those famed "Eureka!" moments that you see on TV with the light bulb lighting up over the character's head when they have a brilliant idea. I'm still not sure what I want, or who I want, but I do know that I can't be by myself or I will live in a depressed world. I decide to make Ichigo mine.

"Ya don't have to not be with anyone," I say and start inching toward him. He gives me a confused look.

"What do you mean? I can't even think about just going out and finding someone else right now," He says and looks away to study the wall, lost in thought.

"I'll give ya somethin' to think about," I mutter as I close the distance between us and grab his shoulders.

He looks back at me a little startled but I immediately put my lips against his. His are a little cold, so I bite on them gently to warm them up. It doesn't take long for him to return my kiss. He puts his arms a little awkwardly around my shoulders so I slip my hands down his abdomen and around touch the small amount of skin on his lower back where his shirt isn't covering. He flinches a little at my touch, but doesn't resist. I press him closer to me to share my body heat and he obeys. I love the way our bodies mold so well with each other and how my skin is like electric fire when he touches me.

We stand there together for a little while and words can't really express what I'm feeling right now. I know that I may still be hurt, but I also know that Ichigo makes me happy. He puts his hands around my face and gently pushes me back. He looks at me with brown eyes that have a certain softness about them. I can feel his heart thumping against me and I'm sure he can feel mine too.

"Yeah, that's definitely somethin' to think about," He says with a small smirk. All I can do is smile back.


	6. In Limbo

_So, it's been entirely too long, hasn't it? _

_FORGIVE ME PLEASE!_

_I've just been so… uninspired lately. I think it's the weather. I'm not meant for the cold. _

_Well, here's an update to keep you all afloat! :)_

_*random outburst of joy* HARRY POTTER 7 PART 1 COMES OUT THIS MONTH! :D I'll also be 20 on Nov. 5__th__. I think I've made my peace with leaving teenagerdom. Age is all in your head, anyway._

_Love,_

_Kimba_

_P.S. For those of you who are crazed Little Monsters like me, Lady Gaga and Sir Elton John made a song together for an upcoming Disney movie called Gnomio and Juliet. The song's called "Hello, Hello" and the movie comes out in February. I think it's going to be the thing that tides me over until HP7 part 2. A Disney take on a Shakespearian classic including a work from Gaga and Sir Elton John? Pinch me, I must be dreaming!_

Strawberry Catnip

"In Limbo"

_(Ichigo)_

"Stop 15. All passengers please exit the system in a calm, safe manner." The automated female voice of the bus announces. There's where I need to get off, but I'm in such a daze I almost miss my chance. The bus driver glares at me for holding him up as I rush past.

"Sorry," I mutter more out of instinct than actual remorse. The world is a blur to me right now. My brain is so intent on driving itself mad that I'm basically on autopilot as I walk the rest of the way home. I'm willing to bet that someone could drive right at me with their car or something and I wouldn't notice until it hit me.

As you've probably guessed, Grimmjow is the main concern on my mind, but along with him comes a few other things: like Orihime, my feelings and dealing with everyone else about this situation.

I've made up my mind that I have to tell Orihime what happened and I've also decided on breaking up with her. I don't know if I'm being a dick for breaking all of this to her at once, but I'm just not happy being with her. Sure, she's nice and sweet, but we are nothing alike and I've realized recently that you can't always sacrifice your feelings for someone else – especially when it's the best decision to just let them go. I think I've known deep down for a while now that Hime probably isn't happy with me either – even if she doesn't realize it yet.

I hug the hoodie that Grimmjow lent me closer as a cool evening wind blows. It's a little past five and dusk is falling. The hoodie is black with an electric blue number six on the back and he said he got it when he played soccer for his high school. It smells exactly like him and I find the scent comforting. He smells like hot chocolate (he made me some before I left) and a certain aroma that only belongs to him. It may sound sappy, but it renews me with energy. I feel like I can handle anything now, no matter how hard it is going to be.

Finally I arrive at my doorstep and walk in. My sisters are sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner, and surprisingly, no attack from my father comes.

"Ichigo, there you are! We were wondering what happened to you!" Yuzu cries out as soon as she sees me.

"Nah, I was hoping he wouldn't come back," Karin says with a smirk.

"Thanks Yuzu, at least one of my sisters cares about me," I reply as I stride over to the table at sit next to Karin.

"Ugh, you smell like a dumpster," Karin says and puts a hand over her nose. "Have you even showered today? And where did you get that jacket?"

"Very funny, Karin, and I got this from… a friend," I return, trying to think of something else to say so that I don't have to get into talking about Grimmjow. "Anyway, where's dad?"

"Oh, he's busy with the clinic and said to go ahead and eat without him," Yuzu answers and gets up to fix me a plate of what she cooked – chicken, rice and mixed vegetables. Even though it looks delicious, I don't really have the stomach to eat anything after last night and today.

"Thanks, but I'm just gonna go take a shower and lay down. I'm exhausted," I say and head toward the stairs.

"Thank God," Karin says and un-cups her nose as I leave.

"But you have to eat something!" Yuzu says in a concerned tone.

"I already did, don't worry," I call from halfway up the stairs.

I climb the rest of the way briskly so that my pace doesn't match my mood and hope my sisters don't think anything is wrong. How would I even go about telling my family that I broke up with my girlfriend for a _guy_? Would they accept me? Would they like Grimmjow? I know my dad and Yuzu like Orihime (Karin thinks she's a ditz) so I wonder what they would think of Grimmjow's rough-around-the-edges personality. Or would they not even try to get to know him?

A whole list of new worries overcomes me as I gather my pajamas from my bed and head to the shower. I close the bathroom door and turn the water on. The fear of not being accepted by my family eats away at my insides. I wonder how Grimmjow's family reacted or do they even know? I undress and step under the hot water. My muscles relax as the liquid runs down my body, but I can't say the same for my mind.

Another thought occurs to me then. Do I even have to date Grimmjow? I mean, I'm not happy with Orihime so I'm still going to end things with her, but can't I just stay single? These thoughts are shot down so quickly though as the memory of being with, let alone kissing, Grimmjow surfaces. My heart thumps faster and louder as if telling me its opinion on the situation. I know now that I've had a taste of what being with him could be like, I don't think I could ever go back. At the very least I'd ask to get to know each other a little better before we started anything official, and even then… do I really have to tell anyone right away? I could wait until I'm ready to come out to my friends and family.

I start making a mental list of people who I think I could tell and it's not very big.

I immediately write Tatsuki off the list because her best friend is Orihime and I just don't want to have that kind of drama start up right after I break up with Hime. I mean, I trust Tatsuki, but she just can't know right away.

I don't think I could tell Yumichika or Ikkaku either because Yumi has a big mouth and it'd be all over the school if he knew, and while I trust Ikkaku and would relate with him, he would end up telling Yumi I think.

Chad is a definite maybe. I don't think he would tell anyone, but would he understand or accept me?

Keigo and Mizuiro are definitely out of the running right now. Keigo for pretty much the same reason as Yumi, and Mizuiro… I just don't know about him.

The only people I think that could trust to accept me and keep my secret would be Renji, Rukia and Rangiku. None of them would tell a soul unless I said it was okay and I know that they're my true friends because they also trust me with some of their biggest secrets. Even if Rangiku gets super smashed one night, she's really good at keeping in word vomit.

I rinse my hair and body from the shampoo and soap and turn the water off. I grab my towel from the towel rack on the wall and start drying myself off. With at least a few things figured out, I calm down a bit. I know that this is going to be hard, but it's just the way I am. I guess I was born this way. If my friends can't accept me, then are they really my friends?

Once my pajamas are on, I gather up my dirty clothes and Grimmjow's hoodie and head back to my room. I shut the door and throw my clothes on the floor, but put the hoodie on the desk next to my laptop. Looking at the two items reminds me of how this all started. It's funny all the random ways you can meet people, and it's even funnier when that person becomes an essential part of your life. I lay on my bed and chuckle to myself. Who would have thought that this would all start from a sex shop website on the internet and a silly debate about gay marriage? Speaking of my debate, I make a mental note to finish it tomorrow and before I know it, I drift off into sleep with my last thoughts being of Grimmjow and the kiss he gave me "to think about".

I'm floating high above what I recognize to be Karakura town at night. The crescent moon illuminates the city along with all its lights. I feel alive and full of adrenaline. I look down at myself and see that I'm wearing a long black overcoat which is torn and frayed at the end and billowing in the wind. In my right hand is a sword, the color of obsidian. Its edges glint with deadly sharpness and its hilt is a rectangular spiral of some sort.

I stare determinedly ahead at the horizon and suddenly a huge, dark rift appears seeming to rip open the sky. From out of it emerges a single figure and the hole sews itself up like nothing even happened. I grip my blade tighter and prepare for a confrontation. The figure is my opponent. The figure is… _Grimmjow?_ He's wearing all white and also has a sword which he draws. He stares deceitfully down at me and my heart seems to fracture. Why are we doing this?

Grimmjow then charges at me and I steel my nerves and guard my heart. I'll do my best to get him to stop this madness, I decide. We aren't enemies.

Before he reaches me, though, the scene changes and suddenly I'm on the ground in the street I was once above. My head is bleeding and I think a few of my ribs are broken, but I can ignore any pain I have. Grimmjow is lying before me, a huge gash on his chest, just like the scar he bears.

I rush over to him, throwing my sword aside and start to assess his wound. Did I do this? He looks at me with a hungry glint in his raging blue eyes. His chest is bleeding profusely and I start to take my cloak off to try to stem the flow, but before I can put it over him, he grabs my wrists and sits up which causes the gash to gush out more blood. Despite all this, though, I notice that cut is closing up rapidly. I stare at it in disbelief, unable to register this as good or bad.

Then Grimmjow commands my attention by taking my cloak and tossing it away. He pushes me down on my back, into his pool of blood, and hovers over me while holding my arms down. I struggle feebly against him – half because he's strong and half because I don't sense any real danger.

Warm blood from Grimmjow's wound pours onto my bare chest and stomach because it still hasn't fully closed. I find it strangely erotic, rather than disgusting or uncomfortable. I study Grimmjow as he moves his face closer to my own.

"You're mine," He growls and leans in to kiss me. At this point I'm all for it and eagerly return this display of affection. It starts of gently but soon becomes frenzied and our breathing grows heavier. Grimmjow moves his mouth down my cheek and to my neck, kissing and biting along the way. My heart is racing and my groin feels like it's on fire. Grimmjow is still holding my wrists though – if only I could touch him.

As if he was reading my mind, he releases me and moves down my collar bone and to my now bloodied abdomen. Grimmjow's gash has closed up, leaving the familiar gleaming scar. He pauses a moment to lick and suck on my nipples, spreading his blood around and getting it on his mouth. I let out a groan of pleasure and Grimmjow smiles and puts his hand at the top of my black pants. He pulls them down slightly and kisses my inner hip on the extremely sensitive skin there. Chills run up and down my spine and I grab Grimmjow's hair and run my fingers through it. My breathing comes in shallow gasps and my dick feels like it's about to burst. I need release. I need it now.

Grimmjow answers my call and plunges his hand beneath the fabric and finds my hard cock.

"Ahh…" A moan escapes me and my back arches in pleasure. Grimmjow shifts his body so that he is back at eye-level but his hand continues to move up and down my shaft. I grab his face and start to bite his lips and moan into his mouth. He returns my actions with similar enthusiasm. I taste the coppery blood on his lips and that added level of kinkiness mixed with his hand on my dick sends me over the edge.

And that's when I wake up with my dad's ugly, unshaven mug in my face.

"AHH!" I yell and throw my arms up. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Breakfast," He grumbles and then slowly leaves, rubbing his eyes. He looks exhausted. I guess the clinic was really busy last night. My door shuts and I take a deep breath. That's when I notice this uncomfortably sticky substance in my boxers. I know exactly what this is.

"Really, Ichigo? What are we, fourteen?" I mutter to myself as I awkwardly walk to the bathroom, with a clean pair of underwear, careful to check for my family so I don't run into any of them. I don't remember the last time I had a wet dream. Maybe I was fifteen? I don't even know. All I know is that the dream I just had was the most erotic and sexy thing ever. I don't blame myself for cumming, but it's just a pain in the ass afterward. I shut the door of the bathroom and use copious amounts of toilet paper to clean myself off. After breakfast I'll probably take a shower again. I don't want to make everyone wait on me right now, though.

So I'm as clean as I can be and I put on my fresh underwear and pajama pants. I threw my soiled boxers into my room as I pass by and then make my way to the kitchen. My father has his face down on the table, snoring loudly. Karin is ignoring him and eating her eggs and bacon, and Yuzu is prodding him with a fork, trying to wake him up.

"Just leave him alone," Karin says. "He'll wake up and go to bed sooner or later." Yuzu stops poking him, but still looks worried. I make a plate of food and sit next to Karin.

I eat quietly, still reflecting on the weekend. I feel unsure about what I'm doing, but at the same time, I know I have to do it. It's such a strange feeling because I usually have a purpose in what I do, but now I'm undecided about what that purpose is. I feel like my world has been turned upside down.

"Are you okay, Ichigo? You look sick," Yuzu says and reaches across the table to feel my forehead.

"I'm fine," I say with a forced smile and finish my food. I didn't get much to eat; I'm not really that hungry. "This was really good, Yuzu." I clear my plate and go back upstairs. I feel both my sisters' stares on my back. I guess I'm not doing a good job of acting "fine".

I'm back in my room now and I check my phone for any messages. Maybe Grimmjow said something? There is nothing. I pace around my room, trying to think of something – anything- to do. I did have homework, but that could wait. I settle on my bed, trying to relax. Slowly, I fall into a fitful sleep. I have no more dreams, or at least none that I can recall, and awake to a sky of gold, magenta and lavender. I guess I was out for a while. I look at my phone and I have one new text and for once I'm disappointed at whom it is. Orihime.

'_Ichigo! I'm so sorry about this weekend! I totally forgot to tell you I was going away! You know me! Lol! So do you wanna eat with me and Tatsuki tonight?'_

I know that if I put this confrontation off now, I might never do it. So I decide to ask Orihime to meet me somewhere – alone.

'_I can't tonight but I wanted to talk to you alone for a bit. Can we meet at the park by your house?'_

A minute passes before I receive a response.

'_Alone? Well ok. Tatsuki won't be here for a little while. When are you leaving?'_

I hesitate for a second but a mysterious force inside me works up the nerve to answer.

'_Now.'_

With renewed determination, I throw Grimmjow's hoodie on again, not bothering to change out of my pajamas, and put my shoes on. I hurry downstairs and out the door without a glance back.

I'd been sitting in the playground, on a swing, for nearly half an hour before Orihime appeared. I don't think she figured exactly how fast I would arrive, even though I said was coming now. She is wearing a vibrant pink dress with violet stockings and tennis shoes. Her taste buds were only rivaled in weirdness by her fashion sense.

"I didn't know you were waiting!" She exclaims and skips the last couple steps to close the gap between us. She pulls me into a warm hug, which I return halfheartedly. "Why didn't you tell me you were here?"

"I just wanted more time to… think," I say, looking up at her. The setting sun illuminated the playground with its red-orange rays, making Orihime glow. She looked a little like an angel, and yet it was not enough. I just couldn't love her like she loved me. She is one of my best friends, but that is it. I curse myself for having let it grow into something more when it never was.

"Er, so what did you want to talk about?" She asks, apprehensive now.

"Sit down," I say and gesture toward a swing next to mine. She does so and observes me for a second, expectantly. Why was I hesitating?

"Sooo…" She laughs a little, trying to lift the mood. I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. It was now or never.

"Hime, when you went with Tatsuki to—"

"I'm SO sorry! I didn't mean to forget! I was just so excited!" She interrupts me, but I can tell she is sincere. I didn't really suspect she was lying anyway. That's not really like her.

"I know, but that's not what I'm upset about," I say, staring at the wood chips beneath my shoes.

"Oh," She replies, and falls silent. I go on.

"But I'm not upset at you either," I quickly add, noting her crestfallen expression. "I'm more… angry with myself."

"What do you mean?" She asks, confused. My next words come out in a vomit.

"Look Hime, I should've never let our relationship turn into anything more than friendship. It was selfish of me to not tell you from the beginning that I didn't love you like that. And when I was at Rangiku's party, I… I kissed… someone, and… I like them a lot."

Orihime's reaction nearly breaks my heart in two, no, a thousand pieces. She is at a loss for words. I hadn't anticipated her taking this easily but no amount of mental preparation could, well, truly prepare me for this.

And to make things worse, she starts to cry.

"Y-y-you're…b-breaking up with me?" She manages to sputter between sobs.

"I'm sorry, Hime… I just can't do this anymore. I love you, but not like that," I want to take this all back, but the only thing stopping me, the only thing keeping my heart together, is the thought of Grimmjow. His smile, his scent, his embrace, and his laughter.

"And you're l-leaving m-me for s-some other girl?" Orihime continues, her voice rising. Do I dare tell her the truth? I don't think I have much of a choice. I think it will come out soon enough anyway. The mental list of people to tell and in which order I made earlier dissipates. I realize that it's all going to come out sooner or later. There's really no fucking point in hiding it.

"Boy," I say lamely and look up at the evening sky, hoping she would get it. What she said was essentially true, I am leaving her for someone else… it just wasn't a girl. I don't want to seem cold… but I also don't want to be soft. It would be harder that way.

"What?" All she can do is stare at me like I'm making no sense, but her face then changes as the pieces fall in place. She looks almost mortified now. "You're leaving me for a _boy_?" Her tears have now almost completely stopped.

"I… I… well, yes," I say dumbly, afraid of what she might do next.

And almost as quickly as they went away, the tears return. Instead of asking questions, though, Orihime flings herself from the swing set and runs sobbing down the street to her house.

I want to follow her and make things better, but what can I do? Even though I hate seeing others in pain, there was no escaping the fact that I am the source of her heartache. I would only make things worse if I tried knocking on her door. She probably can't even look at me. I probably disgust her. Besides, Tatsuki will be here soon, apparently. I don't want to have to deal with her, too.

So I sit on my swing as the sun finally descends behind the trees of the neighborhood. There is no more light. No more Orihime. I was afraid of the consequences of my actions, but now I sit in clarity, accepting the fact that fate will take its own course now. If I had never taken this risk, I would be left always wondering what could have been.

Yet, I still feel utterly alone, with my head hung low. Only Grimmjow's hoodie reminds me that perhaps not everything is lost.


End file.
